How do I tell my wife she is FAT :(

[IronCore]

Thank you Sir, I'll do my best to make Top 5

Careful what you wish for... that will take some work... and possibly cost you a bit of dignity... but Im ready when you are... been wanting to clear out the #4 spot anyway...

 

[basskiller]

And obviously yours is done in a lovingly joking matter.
Do you see her being fat as a problem ?
Big difference.
Now I do see your point hubby and I have a similar relationship.

Never would it be said in a hurtful manor. Honest, but never hurtful and she knows that. (more squeezing for the pleasing)

I love every single inch of her. I loved her young, I love her old (although she begs to differ about the definition of old), I loved her skinny and I love her with the extra weight.

She's the most beautiful woman both outside and especially inside.
I'm an extremely lucky man.
I was a total dog back in the 70's and early 80's..(she knew my reputation for being a ladies man and wasn't exactly sure about dating me) But ever since we started going out back in 1985 (when I took over her party... we still laugh about that.. LOL) I gave up and became a one woman man..

 

[RhinestoneRocky]

I honestly think she is not connecting the dots! desert, chips, not working out = What??????

I remember a few months ago there is this woman who I talk to and she is in amazing shape. When I introduced her to my wife, my wife even commented and said I Wished I looked like you........Man, I was biting my tongue. Wishing and doing something about it are 2 different things.

I gotta figure out something to say, but as a wise woman put it here, put it delicately. I can be kind of harsh and direct at times, so I gotta figure out a rehearsed script to kind of follow.

I used to be a lot like how your wife is. Incessantly complaining but stuck in the vicious cycle of eating crap, working out, making up excuses etc.

Pure and simply, it sounds like she's eating her feelings because something is wrong and she's unhappy.

All I can do is speak from my own experience and hope that it might give you a little insight and potentially a way of broaching this difficult topic with her.

What was the clincher for me to wake up was a picture at a friend's wedding and being cheated on by my then husband. That mentally destroyed me but also caused me to work towards making myself happy and healthy--to build strength when my heart was weak. We all need that little kick in the pants and oftentimes we need to do the kicking ourselves to make it stick. I took him back and gave him two years to work on being a better husband and I focused on being a better wife. I held up my end of the bargain, found a love in weight lifting and clean eating, lost 45 lbs and was supportive of his endeavors but got tired of being told "You're getting skinny just to leave me" and "Your arms look mannish" (Trust me, they didn't). Turns out you just can't stop an ass from being an ass and I left him in the dust, lost another 30 lbs and found my happiness.

Sometimes you can sit a person inside the fastest car, hand them a map and point them down the road but only THEY can start the car and do the driving in their journey.

For the past 6 months I've been dating a firefighter who has undergone a similar battle of weight loss and we workout and cook really healthy together because it's important to us to look and feel our best. Perhaps approach it from the standpoint of "I want us to be together for the next 15 years, I'm worried for your health if you continue along this unhealthy path."

I'm not sure what your shift schedule is like but maybe it's because you're gone all the time and she's unhappy and lonely? Does she have any girlfriends you could talk to?

So either go to couple's counselling and discuss your feelings there with a mediator of sorts or man up and tell her what is going on in your head and how the things she says and does make you feel.


If you truly do love her and don't want to lose her, tell her the things you NEED in order to be happy. Life is too short to be miserable or feel like your needs aren't valid.

First time for me posting but I've been lurking for a while. Just had to pitch in my two cents. Sorry for the ramble. Hope things work out for you DD.

 

[Grumpyfit]

Nice 1st post, Welcome to TID.

 

[Fork-Lift]

OK Ladies,

How on God's green earth do I tell my wife that she is Fat? My wife had always had a great figure without working out She eats like shit and now is 45. The past 4 years, she has let her self go. Normally, when she would get a little on the heavy side, she would make some changes and bam....she would be looking great in no time. For me, I have always thought she has a sexy shape and figure. But as of the past few years.....ICK! I get it, if you tell me you are ashamed of your body, then do something about it....but when I see her eating shit such as cake, cookies, chips and such, it's just a huge ****ing turn off. Normally she never eats like I do ( super clean) but she has always had a nice figure. The last 4 years, especially the last 2, I am so turned off I'm besides myself. I am almost 50, but I look 30. I was a competitive bodybuilder in the late 80's, could have went pro, but I did competitive judo. I was almost on the 96 Olympic team, but I blew out my knee anyways, 32 inch waist, 50 inch chest and not bragging, but I get hit on a LOT. I"m always freindly to people and don't flirt, but others do take it that way. I"m not that type of guy, I"M a family guy, loyal to the end. I dont' wanna cheat on my wife and I've had plenty...PLENTY of opportunities @ the gym and work (fireman). Frustrated as hell, I'm dammed if I don't say anything and dammed if I do (asshole if I said "you are overweight or ..... fat"). she has finally been toying with working-out at the gym and goes 3 x a week, however no results & minimal effort. I guess I vent and look for advise here because I am at my wits end. She is a stay at home wife, 2 kids ( 4 and 13) and is an amazing person and wife, except for taking care of herself. My frustrations are with her lack of discipline in her diet and the fact that TV is the second most important thing to her. I could care less about TV, take care of yourself for **** sake! I love her but then have had multiple women practically throwing themselves @ me... but I always turn a blind eye and play it down I could easily take up an offer, but then that would leaving me wanting MORE I get the trap & made my vow 20 years ago and plan to keep it, just need some advise from a womens perspective. My perspective is that she is not happy with her body, yet eats like crap, TV is more important to her than action to help herself/ self respect, and of course, looking good for me, especially when temptation is around the corner

Confused,
Hurt,
Trapped,

I don't know what to do or how to talk to her, she will be hurt and take it wrong & I'll be the asshole for the rest of my life

Much respect to you sir. Loyalty is aa rarity and I give you much props for this. Honestly, when i see my friends start to talk about other women and cheating on their wives or SEE them cheating on their wifes ... i always bring this up.
i.e. Like damn bro you gonna do your wife. who's been by yourside for ten years. held you down when you went away for 2 years with phone and money on your books and letters every week. THATS LOYALTY. You do her dirty like that makes me think about where we stand. They always say something like 'oh thats difrent' or 'bro's before hoes'...but honestly it's not

but anyways, off topic, best policy on this subject is to be straight up with her. dont tell her she's fat. but just be stragiht like babe i hate to tell you but im not gonna suger coat it you def have gained some weight! Of course she gonna not take it that well at first. I knew a guy i worked with who was in same situation as you and he TOLD his wifef that they were going on a tropical cruise for two weeks next summer... so that she would start working out to look good in a bathing suit. it was a lie. he may have took her down to the jersey shore or some sh8t but thats about it.

Im always straight with my wife. If she loosing weight . i call it. IF she is lacking in a certain area...i tell her. best to just be straight!

*i didnt read all the other post just the OP...so sorry if this may be delayed or concluded already...just my.opn.

FL

 

[UncleAl]

I feel for you, buddy. I've been married for forty years and have had to have this conversation with my lady more than once. It was never easy, and most of the time, it really hurt her. The only time I was able to pull it off was when I emphasized my concern for her health. (She has heart disease in her family.) It took the focus off my feelings and made it all about her. She lost fifty pounds in six months. Maybe if you take a similar approach, it will lighten the blow and get her moving in the right direction. Good luck.

 

[Bro Bundy]

convince her to work out with you

 

[Beachrunner13]

How do you tell your wife she's fat? Are you effing kidding me?!! You don't!! Best solution I can suggest is to find a woman that is amazing shape but used be be fat. (Gym ladies, wives of peeps in the gym or at running clinics are good places, or ask a gym manager to help you out by asking gym members to share their story...then see if she takes interest).

Chances are your wife is already miserable, hates the way she looks & is having a hard time carving her way out of the weight gain. If she's clinucally depressed, get her in counseling/antidepressants.

I'm a 47 year old fit girl. When I was 26 I got out of hand with food, let stress get me & overrate. I was 169 lbs. at my worst & stayed heavy a good six months. I hated it, was very sensitive to anyone making a comment. I was a size 12. I now maintain a size 2, and a weight of 125-130. I get asked out by men 10 years my junior and love being complimented by men my age.

I lost the weight by joining a running group, not exceeding 1800 calories a day. I bought 1 outfit on consignment that looked good on me then, and each time I lost 10 lbs., I did it again. I've completed 3 marathons, have my own website for modeling work and train for my own fitness, not competitions. I usually only drink once a week and try not to indulge in sweets too much. It's an ongoing and continuous deal. I fight my genes everyday.

Your wife can do this. She has to decide it though. The first month will suck when you change your ways, but it's worth it.

Good luck.

 

[Rottenrogue]

On the other hand maybe she doesn't care. How overweight is she ? I don't recall that being asked.
Not everyone wants to have abs.

 

[Bro Bundy]

i dont mind fat chicks at times

 

[IronCore]

 

[Dirk Diggler]

RhinestoneRocky Great post! With me and my wife, .....You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink Maybe she does not care, maybe I make her feel like it does not matter. I constantly tell her that she looks sexy and beautiful, but as lately, I don't ask for sex and don't even bother unless she asks. Just tired of the excuses and just poor choices. Thank you all that have replied, I appreciate the responses. Had a small conversation about her weight and all I hear is excuses. It's all about choices.....I"m getting fed up of her not doing anything about her weight and being full of excuses...and fast food wrappers in her car

BTW, thanks for all the funny replies, Love to laugh and that has helped. ​