threw down the gauntlet today

[rolldice]

she just told me again that she doesnt think anything can change and she isnt willing to "go through that again". We are going to get together Sunday to go over finances and shit. I hate it but I have to go into a different mode now as she is not willing to try. I got a feeling I am getting ready to get fucked in the ole financial situation.

 

[400Lb Gorilla]

damn bro sorry to hear that. i have only been married a few years so couldnt have offered anything useful anyway but i wish you the best of luck and hope she decides before Sunday to try and stick it out.

 

[Youngstunna]

Sounds alot like my divorce bro we would have been married 9 years in aug and divorce was final at the end of July I wouldnt rush things and let her figure things out if you want her back show her call her every day just to see how she is doing and dont talk about the divorce show her that you care and that you wanna be apart of her life......Im telling you right now if there is another guy in the pic he is taking everything that you say to her and twisting it to make himself sound better so dont give him a reason too.....Marriage counseling will work but prolly be better if you go to a Christian counselor mine was not one and was some Hot Chick fresh outta College all we did was argue and fight in there for a hour about who did each other worse...and that got no where......Send her flowers and shit tell her you wanna renew your vows and go all out bro tell her you want her to fall in love with you all over again and that you wanna be the man she deserves and dont let pride get in the way......Remember that you hurt her first and what she is doing she is justifying and prolly confiding in this guy about....Dont give him anyreason to look better than you and dont bring up divorce when you speak with her that will only speed up the process out of emotions..............My .02 cents best of luck brotha

 

[dangerouscurves]

I think you have got some good advice, my only concern was similair to aj, she may be on the fence because she is continuing a relationship with someone on the side but being a single parents is difficult and expensive! She may be stringing you along keeping you on the fence to keep money and help on her side.I hope that's not the case the case but people are selfish and don't see past their own little bubble!

 

[Ms.Wetback]

she just told me again that she doesnt think anything can change and she isnt willing to "go through that again". We are going to get together Sunday to go over finances and shit. I hate it but I have to go into a different mode now as she is not willing to try. I got a feeling I am getting ready to get fucked in the ole financial situation.

22+ years married and we have been through hell and back ourselves. He had and affair on me as well and we came SO close to calling it quits. I even had him move out at one point. PLENTY of times we were not "in love"; hell sometimes I couldn't even stand the site of him and I am sure him of me. But the foundation was there to make it work.

Point being is IF two people love each other and WANT to make it work you can. We did what he called a "reset". People whether we like it or not get comfortable with each other and eventually take each other for granted. Then we start forgetting what it was all about that drew us together. The "reset" we did tool us back to square one. Like we first met. There was NO fighting allowed, if something bothered one of us we would calmly explain what it was and the other partner would HAVE TO be receptive of it and respect the other opinion; just as when a couple first meets.

Just as easy as someone falls out of love, you can fall right back in love. Loving someone is a choice, sometimes we just need to get back to the basics.

Dont know if that ramble helped or not....................

 

[Ogre717]

Brother JackD summed up anything i could throw at ya. My only advice in addition is STAY STUBBORN. If she is on the fence and you DO NOT WANT TO GO DOWN THAT ROAD. Stay your ground, be commited to fixing things to the best of your ability. As for the marriage counseling, start without her and let her know you are. Do everything in your power to show your commitment. Avoid the finances talk, tell her your not ready to do that because you ARE going to be there like the man you are suppoised to be. She wants a lawyer, tell her you arent getting one because you ARE NOT LEAVING HER. Stand your ground a little and show her that you want to be the husband/father. Were all here for you throught this.

 

[dragevo]

I agree with ms wettback.

 

[rolldice]

ok just an update she told me last night she does want to go to see a counseler so Tue at 10:00 am we are going. As far as her still seeing or talking to someone I have to say there is only about a 5% chance at that although I could be completely wrong. I do thank you guys for your support in this

 

[tommyguns2]

ok just an update she told me last night she does want to go to see a counseler so Tue at 10:00 am we are going. As far as her still seeing or talking to someone I have to say there is only about a 5% chance at that although I could be completely wrong. I do thank you guys for your support in this

Very happy to hear this. A counselor can be very helpful. Let her know unequivocaly that you are in this for the long haul, and are ready and willing to fight to make it work. To see your dedication will be encouraging to her.

 

[MAYO]

Stay strong Roll...Your desire to be a better man will carry over and above and obstacles in your way. I pray the best for you and yours.

MAYO

 

[JackD]

Aside from everyone else and all these great points, I have one thing left to say. You need to put any pride down and tuff guy image down, and go to your wife today, not tomorrow, not next week, tell her you want to see her, BUT be respectful, be loving, and be genuine, and when you see her, take her by her hands, apologize, and tell her for what, then give her a kiss, and a long embracing hug, and tell her you love her, and everything will be okay. And say lets talk about this and get ourselves back on the right track again. Always give her a hug and a kiss every time you see her.

Great job on counseling, glad you two are going. Remember, both of you are a fault, so don't place blame on each other, focus on what you did wrong. BUT also focus on what she did right and what you love about her. Have a goal set in place as well, let the counselor know what you want to accomplish. Hope this helps, Let us know in any way we can to help.

 

[rolldice]

well went to see the counseler today and had a great weekend together other than going to my moms every night. Still have no idea what is going to happen