Forum Statistics

Threads
27,576
Posts
541,648
Members
28,555
Latest Member
Kiddorism
What's New?

threw down the gauntlet today

rolldice

rolldice

VIP Member
Jul 13, 2011
66
17
So my wife told me last week that she wanted me to leave. A little background here been together 10 years married 8. Have to boys 6 and 4. Im 35she is 38 and first marraige for both and only kids. We have had our ups and downs just like any other relationship. 2 years ago I cheated on her 4 months ago I caught her in a texting relationship with a guy I used to work with. We have gone though a bancruptcy, a miscarraige and a few deaths. Each time we made it through.

Then she says she is done. I left went to my parents. Since then we have been texting talking etc just like when we were together but every night I am at my parents. I know we need to make some changes in our relationship and I know I need to make some changes as a man a father and a husband but she needs to make some changes too.

I am willing to go to a marraige counseler or whatever it takes to try. SHe has been trying to decide if she is. Well after bringing home my oldest from baseball practice and helping get the kids ready for bed and saying my goodnights I went to my moms again last night. Got my love you goodnight texts and then my good moorning texts and phone call as she was taking the kids to school.

Then I called her after she dropped the kids off and we talked for a few until I told her we needed to figure out what we are going to do. I asnt going to continue like this either we are together or not. Either we are willing to give it everything or not. She got upset and we got off the phone. She then sent me a text saying it wasnt something she wanted to discuss while driving and she is mentally exhausted and to go ahead and get a lawyer. I told her if that is what we are going to do then fine. She responded we will talk about this later.
I responded that I am willing to be a better person a better father a better husband and a better couple and to try my hardest but if that wasnt enough I dont know what is.

Sorry for my rant and drama here but had to get this out there and hear some thoughts.
RD
 
JackD

JackD

Senior Moderators
Staff Member
Sep 16, 2010
6,406
1,607
Sorry to hear about your drama, everyone in every relationship goes through issues and problems. Both of you made a commitment to each other, and during every rough patch both of you need to realize your commitment to each other and your kids.

My advice, talk to her and apologize, apologize for moving out into your parents house, that you won't leave her like that ever again, AND never even touch upon the subject of seperating ever again, and if she brings it up, say to her its not an option, and tell her the reasons why, make sure you let her know you love her and she is the only one you want in life, and you are committed to her and your marriage, then affirm to her that everything will be okay with these problems and issues between both of you.

Next, move back in today, you two are husband and Wife, you both still love each other, even if you have to sleep on the couch you are showing her your commitment to her and your life together. I wouldn't even sleep on the couch, I'd sleep in the same bed as her. Your wife is emotionally hurt, she wants your love and understanding, actions mean and say much more to women than words, so make sure your actions speak your heart. It's always hard, but you are the man of the relationship and its always our job to hold everything together, even during the worst times.

And lastly, find a good marriage counselor, get the issues between you worked out, and forgive each other for the wrongs you both have committed, both now and in the past.

Life is never perfect, it always throws curve balls, but both of you made a commitment to each other for better or worse, and even though this is a rough spot, this is when you do your best and stand up and try to hold everything together while letting her know everything will be okay and that you love her and are committed to her.

Hope this helps, now go to her and take her out to lunch and bring her some flowers, let her know she is special to you, and get back to being husband and wife, and remember, never touch upon the seperation word. Its doesn't exist.
 
Hanniballickedher

Hanniballickedher

MuscleHead
Dec 12, 2010
1,235
119
Been there bro, pretty much everything you have been through but we even lost a kid. We have been married for 23 years last month and things now are better than they were 10 to 15 years ago. You need to sit and talk if you actually love each other then nothing you have been through should be able to tear that apart. We decided that if we could make it through what we have hell we can make it through anything. Remember marriage is the hardest job out there it takes more work than any other job at all. Learn to forgive each other and that should actually bring you closer.
 
rolldice

rolldice

VIP Member
Jul 13, 2011
66
17
Jackd I would love to have never left and would love to go back. But she was the one who told me to leave. Funny thing is all the the things you advise I have told her similar and I want this to work. Thanks for your input glad to know someone agrees.
 
B

BikerTrash

Rottens cookie dealer
Mar 19, 2011
269
51
I have been down your road bro , I feel for you and know exactly what your going through and how your feeling , I have been divrced twice , I as well have kids .
As far as any advise , I cannot even come close to the excellent advise that JACKD gave you ,
Keep your head up brother. Its hard ..Take JackD advise .
Excellent post and thanks for sharing with us . We all go through things like this unfortunaly .....Stay strong
 
rolldice

rolldice

VIP Member
Jul 13, 2011
66
17
Thanks guys I do appreciate the support. I just hope she decides she wants the same thing.
 
AllTheWay

AllTheWay

TID Lady Member
Mar 17, 2011
4,240
411
so very sorry to hear about your trouble. nothing sucks worse than going through something like that. i think jack has hit the nail on the head. if you want it, you got to go fight for it! dont give up and dont let her just push you away. sometimes we think it is easier to just be done with it but it never is!

good luck.
 
D

dragevo

MuscleHead
Jul 9, 2011
315
44
Bro I feel your pain. It sounds like you really want this to work. Get your parents to watch the kids this weekend. Get yourselves a room away somewhere where you 2 can reconnect and share quality fun time together. Drop your kids off at your parents. Tell her lets go away, retreat from the hussel and bussel of everyday life. Tell her lets try this 1 more time without interference from kids and work etc.... Set up the perfect time and fuk the money it will cost!

I feel like people get way too caught up in careers and life that they forget what they once had. You guys can still have that but you have to dedicate time for yourselves only. Lemme know how it goes. GL
 
JackD

JackD

Senior Moderators
Staff Member
Sep 16, 2010
6,406
1,607
Jackd I would love to have never left and would love to go back. But she was the one who told me to leave. Funny thing is all the the things you advise I have told her similar and I want this to work. Thanks for your input glad to know someone agrees.

She only said that because i guarantee she was emotional and very upset. Don't accept that, and don't act upon it ever again. If she says leave, tell her that's not what a loving husband does and stand your ground.

Also, remember you have to be the example of change, the hardest thing to do, it will be emotional for you, but she'll turn arounfd pretty quick because women really notice change quickly.
 
D

Divorce

MuscleHead
Aug 11, 2011
631
99
She only said that because i guarantee she was emotional and very upset. Don't accept that, and don't act upon it ever again. If she says leave, tell her that's not what a loving husband does and stand your ground.

Also, remember you have to be the example of change, the hardest thing to do, it will be emotional for you, but she'll turn arounfd pretty quick because women really notice change quickly.

Agree with this 100%

I honestly hope things workout for you both and the kids, Keep us posted and goodluck RD
 
rolldice

rolldice

VIP Member
Jul 13, 2011
66
17
Thanks guys i ill keep everyone updated
 

ajdos

Friends Remembered
Sep 8, 2010
2,282
399
RD your circumstances sound similar to my divorce...in the fact that she was not sure, and didnt want to talk about it in depth and give me a straight answer as to what to do.
It was frustrating and I was also willing to work things out.
The only advice I can give is dont donate too much time and energy to someone on the fence, in situations like this 'maybe' or 'not sure' are as good as "NO". I tried like hell with my ex wife only too find out she was leading me on and dating other people including someone I knew from the gym.
All that time ended up being a waste, if people drag it out, it usually ends up being a divorce anyways...my advice is either she commits to the counseling thing, or you go ahead and get divorced.
I know that sounds terse, but I have been down that road bro, and in the end I truly regretted wasting time and effort when I could have been beginning the pocess of moving on.
Good luck to you, this shit is always hard to go through.
 
Who is viewing this thread?

There are currently 0 members watching this topic

Top