my turn for parenting advice

[Thrawn]

So my daughter 9 only child. She is/was a daddy's girl all the way, actually she is like a mini me. She craves mental and physical challenges. Just so I'm clear she chooses to do this, she is not pressured at all. This next part is not to dote about her it is perspective. She is in the gifted program at school, loves math she is on high school level geometry, I was getting ready to teach statistics. She always wants to learn new things. She wanted to play chess. I showed her how. She joined chess club, signed her up for local open to public competition she came in 1st place. Last 5yrs We work out. Swim, bike, go to Water park, all the time.. Now, this past June she is not interested in anything above or me we barely talk now. I was expecting to have a fun summer, I'm bored out of my mind. I feel like a daycare employee. I having a difficult time relating or communicating with her(not sure if those are the best words) 3 things have changed 1. I suffered severe depression on some Adex at the start of summer, when I realized I stopped. 2. She does have a phone, had since Dec. It is remotely and heavily monitored and 3hrs a day limit. (If I could do it again I would never gotten her a fucking phone) 3. She has Been playing a lot of Minecraft (can't communicate with anyone online)
At what age do kids want nothing do to with parents?
Am I taking her growing up and changing interests to personal?
Am I over analyzing her changes.
I have no reason to think another adult is poisoning the well. I have a few more emotional feelings about the situation but can't think of ways to to put it into words.
She is not misbehaving, she does everything she is required to do.
There has been no change in relationship between her and her mother. Mother is not as involved/as active as we were. Mother really acts as hate to use the word parent, full time adult, gatekeeper, I know there is a more appropriate word, can't think of it.

 

[Mike_RN]

Mine is 11 and the same thing occurred. Just be available when she wants to "be a kid" and understand that our roles change in their eyes around this time in (their) lives.

 

[genetic freak]

I believe this is fairly normal behavior, it just happens younger than it did when we were growing up. A generation ago, kids would start this behavior around 13-15, now it is about your daughter's age. They have access to everything they need or want at their fingertips, so what do they feel they do not need their parents at younger ages. My wife and I didn't get our kids phones until they were in high school and it was only a standard phone until they graduated. Their graduation present was a smart phone. Sure, they caught hell from their friends who had the latest model iPhones and Galaxies, but it kept us in their lives.

 

[Thrawn]

I believe this is fairly normal behavior, it just happens younger than it did when we were growing up. A generation ago, kids would start this behavior around 13-15, now it is about your daughter's age. They have access to everything they need or want at their fingertips, so what do they feel they do not need their parents at younger ages. My wife and I didn't get our kids phones until they were in high school and it was only a standard phone until they graduated. Their graduation present was a smart phone. Sure, they caught hell from their friends who had the latest model iPhones and Galaxies, but it kept us in their lives.

Imo the phone was a huge mistake on our part. I thought or mistook her book smarts for maturity. She actually started early signs of puberty 2.5 yrs ago, holly shit that is a whole post on its own between doctors and endocrinologists. I will share that story later but at 7 her bone age was 11. We had issues early on with screen time and that's how we got to 3hrs. She spends an hr each way on the school bus so that eats a lot of her time.

 

[KyleB]

Phones and video games are the future. How you shape that experience is your choice as a parent. Use games and the phone as a tool for you. Get a Nintendo Switch and play Mario party as a family, limit time of course. Mario Kart etc. Play it with their friends. Get involved but not invasive. Sharing in the games and phone apps gives you an opportunity to see what they and their peers find as cool and interesting. Your kid likes Minecraft, ask them to show you what they made, ask them why they made it and how many pieces it took to make it etc. Get out of your comfort zone and look up 'minecraft for parent' videos on youtube. Hell surprise your kid.....get minecraft, try to build something and show them.

Get a phone app that makes them work for their time. Want 15 more minutes, go do a chore etc. Ask what they and the peers do on the phone.

I can not emphasize to you as time goes on, how socially retarded I've seen parents make their kids by taking away electronics. F word man, if I was a parent, Id look at the phone or video games as a way to buy yourself a nap on a hard day.

I do not chalk any phase or any age change as 'that's what they do at their age', or 'that's how they are'. Humans change at all stages of life, not just kid, the changes just occur slower as you age. Your job as a parent/gaurdian is to shape the dynamic to your end game of the adult you want them to be once they hit 18 and pray they found a way to fit efficiently into society. Find a way to be involved, try to understand what they view as important and do your best to not mess it up, lol.

Good luck

 

[Thrawn]

Phones and video games are the future. How you shape that experience is your choice as a parent. Use games and the phone as a tool for you. Get a Nintendo Switch and play Mario party as a family, limit time of course. Mario Kart etc. Play it with their friends. Get involved but not invasive. Sharing in the games and phone apps gives you an opportunity to see what they and their peers find as cool and interesting. Your kid likes Minecraft, ask them to show you what they made, ask them why they made it and how many pieces it took to make it etc. Get out of your comfort zone and look up 'minecraft for parent' videos on youtube. Hell surprise your kid.....get minecraft, try to build something and show them.

Get a phone app that makes them work for their time. Want 15 more minutes, go do a chore etc. Ask what they and the peers do on the phone.

I can not emphasize to you as time goes on, how socially retarded I've seen parents make their kids by taking away electronics. F word man, if I was a parent, Id look at the phone or video games as a way to buy yourself a nap on a hard day.

I do not chalk any phase or any age change as 'that's what they do at their age', or 'that's how they are'. Humans change at all stages of life, not just kid, the changes just occur slower as you age. Your job as a parent/gaurdian is to shape the dynamic to your end game of the adult you want them to be once they hit 18 and pray they found a way to fit efficiently into society. Find a way to be involved, try to understand what they view as important and do your best to not mess it up, lol.

Good luck

Lot of good points.

 

[Anita Blumpkin]

So my daughter 9 only child. She is/was a daddy's girl all the way, actually she is like a mini me. She craves mental and physical challenges. Just so I'm clear she chooses to do this, she is not pressured at all. This next part is not to dote about her it is perspective. She is in the gifted program at school, loves math she is on high school level geometry, I was getting ready to teach statistics. She always wants to learn new things. She wanted to play chess. I showed her how. She joined chess club, signed her up for local open to public competition she came in 1st place. Last 5yrs We work out. Swim, bike, go to Water park, all the time.. Now, this past June she is not interested in anything above or me we barely talk now. I was expecting to have a fun summer, I'm bored out of my mind. I feel like a daycare employee. I having a difficult time relating or communicating with her(not sure if those are the best words) 3 things have changed 1. I suffered severe depression on some Adex at the start of summer, when I realized I stopped. 2. She does have a phone, had since Dec. It is remotely and heavily monitored and 3hrs a day limit. (If I could do it again I would never gotten her a fucking phone) 3. She has Been playing a lot of Minecraft (can't communicate with anyone online)
At what age do kids want nothing do to with parents?
Am I taking her growing up and changing interests to personal?
Am I over analyzing her changes.
I have no reason to think another adult is poisoning the well. I have a few more emotional feelings about the situation but can't think of ways to to put it into words.
She is not misbehaving, she does everything she is required to do.
There has been no change in relationship between her and her mother. Mother is not as involved/as active as we were. Mother really acts as hate to use the word parent, full time adult, gatekeeper, I know there is a more appropriate word, can't think of it.

She's 9 so to be honest she's on the verge of puberty. This can be a really rough time for girls. I would try really hard not to take anything personally and just support her and be there for her. Always include her in things your doing. Give her the option to share experiences with you but don't get down or disappointed if she refuses. Obviously some family events aren't optional and that's different. In the field of building a strong relationship with your daughter as she matures it just take patience and self confidence. Set the tone by example. Everything you do and say she sees and it affects her weather you notice or not.
All females mature at different rates. Some girls are recorded getting their periods at 9. So with that in mind her body may definitely be undergoing hormonal changes. That can affect you so much. One piece of advice I always give when I can..... when she does hit puberty and if her cycle is irregular or she expressed a desire to take the BC pill for any reason.
Please educate yourself and her on how extremely important it is to allow your natural hormones to developed on their own. I started the pill at 13 cause the doctor said it would regulate my cycle. Stayed on till I was 19 those are the most important years for a females body to be maturing and developing. Not having your Natural levels shut down. Just a piece of advice I learned the hard way. I suffered a lot due to the BC pill
The BC pill is as serious as and other hormonal steroid being used in adolescent individuals.

 

[Thrawn]

She's 9 so to be honest she's on the verge of puberty. This can be a really rough time for girls. I would try really hard not to take anything personally and just support her and be there for her. Always include her in things your doing. Give her the option to share experiences with you but don't get down or disappointed if she refuses. Obviously some family events aren't optional and that's different. In the field of building a strong relationship with your daughter as she matures it just take patience and self confidence. Set the tone by example. Everything you do and say she sees and it affects her weather you notice or not.
All females mature at different rates. Some girls are recorded getting their periods at 9. So with that in mind her body may definitely be undergoing hormonal changes. That can affect you so much. One piece of advice I always give when I can..... when she does hit puberty and if her cycle is irregular or she expressed a desire to take the BC pill for any reason.
Please educate yourself and her on how extremely important it is to allow your natural hormones to developed on their own. I started the pill at 13 cause the doctor said it would regulate my cycle. Stayed on till I was 19 those are the most important years for a females body to be maturing and developing. Not having your Natural levels shut down. Just a piece of advice I learned the hard way. I suffered a lot due to the BC pill
The BC pill is as serious as and other hormonal steroid being used in adolescent individuals.

In a nut shell At 6/7 multiple doctors recommend puberty suppressant / blockers, to slow down puberty. less than a yr after FDA comes out with a bunch of new side effect studies that matched her sides I went Denzel Washington John q on them it was removed in less that 48hrs. Within a wk all her sides were gone.

 

[MR. BMJ]

Ugh....mine is 7

....watching.....thread......very.....closely

My son is 10, and he is addicted to the computer games. I'm about ready to throw that shit out of the damn house, but trying to find a compromise. His damn mother is the type to 'let them do what they want,' and it drives me crazy. I'm all for him/them enjoying themselves, not against video games completely, it just needs to be 'limited.' His lazy cousins, he only has 2 from his mom's sister, are lazy AF, and that's all they want to do (son/daughter). Their son had really bad asthma, and they totally babied his ass to the 10000th degree. He got fat with tits, and they asked me what they should do, I gave them some EASY tips (mainly to keep him somewhat active and not just totally sedentary, with some basic healthy eating), and they did the opposite. They went out and bought him like a 3 thousand dollar video game system/computer, and all he did was keep getting fatter, and they just kept shoving burritos down his mouth. They are Mexican and did the whole, "Oh mijo, papi" shit talk. Made me want to wretch, BUT he is not my kid, so i just went about my business.....but now that they are always around my damn kids, that shit is rubbing off. The wife and I are divorced, so it's complicated as some others have probably experienced for themselves with their own relationships.

Fukk me....I wasn't gonna make this long, and i just worked myself up

I love the shit out of my kids, I was always active and doing stuff, they crave the opposite.

When Mike Miller was posting on AFboard years back, he made this post I still remember and laugh about today on how he would just make his kids go in the back yard and dig a damn hole if they got lazy and said there was nothing they had to do. Haha, I need to do the same.

My daughter has high potential for sports too, she is strong AF for her age, and really built. My son is a beanpole, lol. I really need to get them into mma/wrestling/JJ.

 

[searay]

Do you think the way food is infested with chemicals and hormones affecting how fast children are maturing these days? I think it's vitally important to make sure the food your children ingest is as clean from chemicals and hormones as possible which ain't easy these days.

 

[Thrawn]

Ugh....mine is 7

....wathing.....thread......very.....closely

My son is 10, and he is addicted to the computer games. I'm about ready to throw that shit out of the damn house, but trying to find a compromise. His damn mother is the type to 'let them do what they want,' and it drives me crazy. I'm all for him/them enjoying themselves, not against video games completely, it just needs to be 'limited.' His lazy cousins, he only has 2 from his mom's sister, are lazy AF, and that's all they want to do (son/daughter). Their son had really bad asthma, and they totally babied his ass to the 10000th degree. He got fat with tits, and they asked me what they should do, I gave them some EASY tips (mainly to keep him somewhat active and not just totally sedentary, with some basic healthy eating), and they did the opposite. They went out and bought him like a 3 thousand dollar video game system/computer, and all he did was keep getting fatter, and they just kept shoving burritos down his mouth. They are Mexican and did the whole, "Oh mijo, papi" shit talk. Made me want to wretch, BUT he is not my kid, so i just went about my business.....but now that they are always around my damn kids, that shit is rubbing off. The wife and I are divorced, so it's complicated as some others have probably experienced for themselves with their own relationships.

Fukk me....I wasn't gonna make this long, and i just worked myself up

I love the shit out of my kids, I was always active and doing stuff, they crave the opposite.

When Mike Miller was posting on AFboard years back, he made this post I still remember and laugh about today on how he would just make his kids go in the back yard and dig a damn hole if they got lazy and said there was nothing they had to do. Haha, I need to do the same.

My daughter has high potential for sports too, she is strong AF for her age, and really built. My son is a beanpole, lol. I really need to get them into mma/wrestling/JJ.

I want to come back to this one but I'm a time limit we're here for you. I understand.

 

[Thrawn]

Do you think the way food is infested with chemicals and hormones affecting how fast children are maturing these days? I think it's vitally important to make sure the food your children ingest is as clean from chemicals and hormones as possible which ain't easy these days.

In my opinion I think it's more chemicals that are binding/ suppressing. Teflon/non stick and micro plastics are really bad. Not saying it's the only reason but testosterone levels and fertility levels in men in the last 50 years have plummeted. IQ scores have been declining(not necessarily all chemical GDP quality of education all play a factor but for the last 50 years they've been declining worldwide