I'm sorry I didn't notice this post until now. Haven't been coming by much, I should change that.
I have complex PTS (we don't say D anymore) from my policing career. It was BAD. Flashbacks, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, etc. Don't know if you have PTS or not, I'm textbook.
I have been through a ton of different psyche meds. Some of the sides were just horrible. I gradually switched to meds with less sides. More sides, less sides, no sides, ***no antidepressant ever worked***. Doctors don't even know how they really work. Studies have shown that only a small percentage of people get benefits from antidepressants. I was not one of them.
After a good 2-3 years on them, I made the decision to come off. Did it slowly, but come off I did. Absolutely no change whatsoever in my mental status.
Things got bad enough that I felt I might take my own life, but I wanted to live. I eventually switched therapists, did a lot of EMDR (that works wonders), and went to a program called Save A Warrior
www.saveawarrior.org. Save A Warrior probably saved my life. The EMDR and therapist also helped, but SAW was the kick in the butt I needed. I cannot say enough good things about it. You're a vet, it's free, all you have to do is get your butt to their beautiful compound in Ohio. They will pick you up at the airport, you stay on site, they feed you, etc. You just need to get there. I'm also involved in online peer support for PTS, and that is HUGE in my recovery as well. The stories are different, but the impact and reaction on our lives are the same.
If anyone here is a vet (I'm not a vet, SAW used to accept first responders but now they get all their funding from DAV and as a condition they no longer accept first responders) and wants to know more about it, feel free to PM me and I'll try to answer any questions you have. SAW is for PTSD, not just depression. Talk to your doc if you're not sure whether you have it or not. Complex PTS means you have childhood trauma as well. Mine was seemingly minor until I realized how much it shaped my reaction to my policing traumas.
There's been a lot of research into ketamine/MDMA/psylocibin/etc. It's very promising...HOWEVER...that's stuff that should be done in tandem with a specifically trained therapist talking to you while you are on the drugs. It's not a self-treat take what you want with no therapist thing. I may try it at some point, but I really don't feel the need right now. To do it right is expensive.
Just talking about my own experiences. Your mileage may vary. Happy to talk to anyone about this who feels it will help.