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The root/ the demons/the answers/hope for the young/ my demand

D

deadweight

MuscleHead
Sep 20, 2010
2,294
497
#1
THE ROOT.
Let me say..U can lie to those around u and the life u live........But i call it like i know it...I know its a sickness.And i tell u i have NO answers...But instead of focusing on any of u.Allow me to take the front sit...I will put myself on display....After all..I know better.My insecurities go way back as a child.The biggest problem today is that i never addrest them up front.How was i to know that there would any consequences?...Instead of treating the root of the matter i just put on this mask to cover the pain i suffered...When your young at heart u dont realize things in the metal state of mind...Most younger people dont understand how to addrest certain problems...So they hide them deep inside...This is where it all began for me....The fake mask i wear and the life i have built and the body i have built is all fake....I did it for all the wrong reasons...I just didnt wake up one day and say.Hey...i want to be some freak of muscles palying a dart game with anabolics...Something inside me clicked ...Something inside me decided i needed to build this body to be accepted...And for what reasons,,,i just dont know?One thing i do know..i surely didnt like myself for some reason so i had to change what i seen in the mirror.
THE MASK
So here am....Broken down,,,,Muscle bond...and freaky to most...The mask i wear has controlled my life....Ive buried the real me a long time ago.....I dont know who the hell i really am..Everything that i have hid from myself and all the problems i have had has been dead along time....Wearing this mask everyday it becomes so real.....U dont realize it....I just pump iron for that quick fix...Years and years of this same routine.I have sink so deep....Ive taken this sport to extream measures....More then most i think...All i see what i think to be real...But its not good enough...So,i line up the darts..vial after vial i wash it all down.....Just one more injection....i will get bigger.Just one one lift i will be get bigger.......Just one more time....Its never good enough.I can be a million strong...It will never be good enough...The mask wont allow me to reach happiness within myself....No matter what i do....im blined.......and its just to late for me....i have no thrill or want to change...Its got this hold on me that i just cant let go...what i do is what i do...Its become a way of life....but yet,deep down i know its all fake,,,i did all this muscle and glory stuff for the wrong reasons..and it all leads back to one...Back as a young boy.
THE DEMONS
Emotional demons are very powerful...They are something u cant see...They most the time live inside parts of your insecurities that are broken more or less...They cause u to buried the problems your dealing with...Just as i explained above....They take control over u...They help u find outlets to a quick fix...Some people resort to drugs to cover they shortcomings...I have found out those type of people that use drugs for a quick fix they problems are not physical like most weightlifters..Their problems are more of a identity problem then the weightlifter that has a indentity problem with his body.Their problems are more mental then physical.Never the less its all emotional and demons of controll know how to controll the situation.They will take your last breath with you...Once they take controll that is it...They have planted that seed and no way u are anyone eles can uproot it...Its a seed that last forever...Just as well,u have demons of addictions too..They are most linked to both sides...the mental and physical.Because what it boils down to any quick fix is an addiction...You may feel what your doing is for the sake of helping yourself but if your lifting for all the wrong reasons then these same demons have controll of u and u dont even realize it.U yourself have been wearing a mask..U dont even know who the fuck u are..Dont be dammed.because your not alone.This cancer is bigger then meets the eye.
THE ANSWERS
If your looking for answers from a burnt out sterod junky that has gave his soul and life to this sport..Sorry i dont have no answers..But im not blined..I know my problems....And i see threw the glass houses of most people that have built.U see Many of us are the same breed.If u look and read the answers why most of us lift...Its all the same....Yes a bunch of lies on paper because most of us dont realize the root of the situation.One day i know i will walk away and leave all this behide....But for now..I contuine to wear this mask...Living the lie of my reality..Its all i want to know right now...I allow the demons to control me...Maybe one day the same demons i live for will turn right around and kill me....I realize this....I see no stoping the anabolic wars....I see no dead end......And i wont be the last to die in vain.Because we are millions.......Each day one of us is being transformed....Like i said..it spreads like cancer.We are a dime a dozen.
HOPE FOR THE YOUNG.
There is hope...Let me tell u im not strong on hope but there is....You the young breed in this sport.Your still young.Uhave your whole life....You must realize now what your insecurities are..face them dead on...Take off the mask now before its all u see for yourself.If anyone can beat this addiction u can..Find the real u and start to lift for the right reasons...Dont become some beat down steroid junky...Selling your soul for the sake to please others..If u dont like what u see in the mirror...fix it with your mental aspect not a quick fix to change it by muscle and glory..If u care more about how people view u then yourself..Your headed to hell and that road passes quick..Before long u will be like me....the fake u.
MY DEMAND
So im a slave to my on demons...I want no help..I dont want your THINK u know the answers.Because u have none...I didnt write this to be questioned..I didnt write this for help...I know whats up....I wrote this in attemp to wake the young up..maybe something i might write will touch base with someone before u live your whole life a lie.So one day u can know the real u before all u know is the fake u...

deadweight.
 
Ms.Wetback

Ms.Wetback

VIP Lady Member
Sep 27, 2010
1,599
118
#4
Great post and brutally honest.
Most young guys dont know what they are getting into when they start at 22,23 24 and the LONG term effects, not just physical but more-son mental.

Hats off to you DW for telling it like it is and admitting what you did.

Read it, learn from it and THINK twice before using. It is NOT a game.
 
MAYO

MAYO

Bad Mother
Sep 27, 2010
2,125
621
#5
I started off with drugs.....got sober....had to have something else.....got big....thanks DW. Something to think about.
 
goldy

goldy

Chutzpah VIP
Jan 17, 2011
1,263
153
#6
Wow, i used to speak to a guy named thinkbig on a diff board all the time way back when about these said "masks" and a lot of what else you touched on. I used to wear many different masks. One for family, one for work, one for home, one for going out with friends, etc.. it does get confusing and frustrating not knowing who you are. I guess i am a different person these days as i dont feel like i wear any masks anymore. So thanks for bringing up this old memory bc it made me realize i dont think i suffer from it anymore.

I sat on this one for a while here "Ive buried the real me a long time ago.....I dont know who the hell i really am" I Take a different look on what has happened in my life. The old me is dead and long gone rotting in a mythical coffin somewhere, This is the new me and i like him better. I know exactly who i am now, for the first time.

I think just about each and every one of us have been through at least one really fucked up thing in life growing up, i know i have... I have just learned to accept what has happened as something of the past which was and is out of my control and will definitely never happen again. these masks are a way of dealing with past issues for many. its easier to hide your face under a box of twinkies or a bar loaded with plates than it is to deal with issues.

My masks are definitely gone, but i dont think those demons whispering in your ear ever leave....
 
RedNeck

RedNeck

MuscleHead
Dec 30, 2010
2,337
353
#8
Woah dude. I feel like someone sat me down and just laid it out cut through the bullshit and told me how I really am, the real me. I put on several masks for every different occasion I hate it but feel like I have to to be socially excepted. I hate putting on the happy mask hate it bad. I am not a cheery happy person I have to many dark demons breathing down my fucking neck for that shit. My kids being my only ray of happiness that I don't fake, they are so innocent and uncorrupted. And my wife keeps me sane. But everything else is a mask honestly I hate the person I see in the mirror. I don't accept him my demons won't let me. I feel like shit and think i look like shit and feel j need to constantly work on changing myself to be able to be happy with me and my life but there never seems to be a light at the end of my self acceptance tunnel. Stems from a ton of childhood anger problems with getting beat up constantly. It just plan fucked me up for life and put me in a rut i can't climb out of
 
Last edited:
PillarofBalance

PillarofBalance

Strength Pimp
Feb 27, 2011
17,066
4,629
#9
I read this twice just so I could be sure I understood it...

Insightful stuff bro. Every person on this Earth wears a "mask." It's one way of looking at it. The way I see it is that these "masks" are actually adaptations to some sort of stimuli. Whether that be positive or negative stimulation, we adapt.

For example, I am naturally... well quite frankly a prick. I am short tempered, I am harsh in my choice of words, I have a tone that has been described in the press as having a "matter-of-fact style." But I don't come here and act like that. I wear a mask at TID - one that is friendlier, more helpful and never rude or disrespectful. Because I know, that an attitude like that in an environment like this; that is, full of alpha-males, will be met head on. At work however, my minions will simply do my bidding.

I was a skinny kid, I was weak, and I have glasses. Worse still, I moved to my current home from Brooklyn so to my peers in my new area I spoke funny. I was tortured throughout school... The Columbine shooting was certainly not an original thought I can tell you that... This is a major reason for why I lift weights, eat like an elephant does and stick needles full of "enhanced" oil in me. Because I have adapted. I will never let myself get pushed around again.

So don't think of yourself as a phony DW and you know who you are... You're a product of your environment. In my well thought out opinion - Nature loses to nurture every time in the animal kingdom.

---PoB---
 
ITAWOLF

ITAWOLF

VIP Member
Dec 9, 2010
1,105
488
#10
Nice DW..

"Confront the dark parts of urself & work to banish them with 4giveness. Ur willingness to wrestle with ur demons will cause ur angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of ur strength" August Wilson

^^^^^^ on a poster in my gym

props brother
 
RedNeck

RedNeck

MuscleHead
Dec 30, 2010
2,337
353
#11
I read this twice just so I could be sure I understood it...

Insightful stuff bro. Every person on this Earth wears a "mask." It's one way of looking at it. The way I see it is that these "masks" are actually adaptations to some sort of stimuli. Whether that be positive or negative stimulation, we adapt.

For example, I am naturally... well quite frankly a prick. I am short tempered, I am harsh in my choice of words, I have a tone that has been described in the press as having a "matter-of-fact style." But I don't come here and act like that. I wear a mask at TID - one that is friendlier, more helpful and never rude or disrespectful. Because I know, that an attitude like that in an environment like this; that is, full of alpha-males, will be met head on. At work however, my minions will simply do my bidding.

I was a skinny kid, I was weak, and I have glasses. Worse still, I moved to my current home from Brooklyn so to my peers in my new area I spoke funny. I was tortured throughout school... The Columbine shooting was certainly not an original thought I can tell you that... This is a major reason for why I lift weights, eat like an elephant does and stick needles full of "enhanced" oil in me. Because I have adapted. I will never let myself get pushed around again.

So don't think of yourself as a phony DW and you know who you are... You're a product of your environment. In my well thought out opinion - Nature loses to nurture every time in the animal kingdom.

---PoB---
because I have adapted. I will never let myself get pushed around again. Very very nicely put POB couldn't have said it any better.
 
fixxer

fixxer

MuscleHead
Dec 15, 2010
993
162
#12
Great post and brutally honest.
Most young guys dont know what they are getting into when they start at 22,23 24 and the LONG term effects, not just physical but more-son mental.

Hats off to you DW for telling it like it is and admitting what you did.

Read it, learn from it and THINK twice before using. It is NOT a game.
And these long term effects are? Further inform me about the mental effects as well.

Not everyone can be grouped into these mental shitshow categories. Not everyone lives behind a mask. Steroids don't create a mask for everyone. A lot of guys here use steroids but don't let it control them.

Using steroids to better oneself doesn't create a sickness unless you let it. For those people that do get sick, the drug is interchangeable.
 
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