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Part-Time Father....

Demigod

Demigod

VIP Member
Sep 24, 2010
582
27
#1
I lost custody of my son in 2008 during my divorce. I get him four days a month but what the fuck is that compared to everyday of the month. Still yet there are nights I cry myself to sleep thinking about him...I wonder if this is something I'll ever get over. I don't usually get to personal on these boards but this is just something I had to get off my chest.
 
W

Wolf

MuscleHead
Dec 25, 2010
274
45
#2
The laws of custody are unfairly stacked in the odds of women. The courts see it as children spend most of their time growing up and learning from their mother, since the father is working, so the mother should get custody. Have you tried to file to adjust the terms of the custody within the last two years?
 
Get Some

Get Some

MuscleHead
Sep 9, 2010
3,441
640
#3
ah, I know a lot of guys in the same boat as you bro. If someone ever tried to keep my child from me I would be heartbroken too. That's a rough thing to deal with and I don't even have kids yet so I probably don't even realize the magnitude of it.
 
marx

marx

MuscleHead
Sep 29, 2010
4,671
625
#4
I was a weekend Dad. I feel you. Got to make the most of your time, cuz the kid understands the love you feel and share, it's depth and knows how important that time is.

My son is heading for 30 now. We are way close, though we live in different time zones.
 
Lizard King

Lizard King

Administrator
Staff Member
Sep 9, 2010
11,384
3,137
#5
I feel for you Demigod, I don't know what I would do without my son everyday. I know there is no way my wife would get him without one hell of a fight! Make the most out of your time and hopefully your situation will improve with time.
 
Mindlesswork

Mindlesswork

Crusty Poo Butt
Sep 21, 2010
1,395
33
#6
The laws of custody are unfairly stacked in the odds of women. The courts see it as children spend most of their time growing up and learning from their mother, since the father is working, so the mother should get custody. Have you tried to file to adjust the terms of the custody within the last two years?
I totally concur with this statement...it's sad really

My brother lost custody of his 2 girls as he divorced his wife because he discovered his wife of 16 years had an affair going on for at least 5 years..but he fought for and got primary custody when he's shown his ex was mentally unstable.

Demi, keep on fighting for what you believe in, and more visitation for your son.
 
baseballrder

baseballrder

VIP Member
Nov 20, 2010
41
4
#7
Dude I feel your pain so much. There is no love like that of a child. There are not words that could explain the love I have for my son. I fear that someday I may not see him everyday like I get to now. It's all I look forward to, coming home to pick him up and play with him. No matter how bad my day is, when I see his smile it changes everything. I will fight like hell to keep him in my life.
 
captaincaveman

captaincaveman

TID Board Of Directors
Oct 17, 2010
1,145
218
#8
Bro, have been where you are. Understand this: Kids are smart. They know A LOT more than we give them credit for. They sense stability and love. It is is how they are designed...its how we all were designed. You knew when you were young who really loved you and who ignored you, etc. They know.

With that said, I know from personal experience that there is no pain like not seeing your child when you want to....and that is pretty much all the time! And, it is the knowing they are there AND knowing you can't see them that hurts the worst. It is a feeling of helplessness and a lack of control like I had never felt. There is nothing any of us can say to correct that. You will cry if you are a normal father. The ability to turn your back on your child IS NOT NATURAL in my humble opinion. If anyone thinks it is wrong that you cry or that I cried, they are the ones with the problem!

But know this: There will be a day when your child will ask questions. Be ready and be showing them that you love them EVERY DAY. Call, write, show up at their school, whatever the laws and agreements allow. It is a commitment beyond that of a job or the gym or anything. If you love your child as you should, you love them as you love yourself. THEY WILL FEEL THIS....and one day, someday, they will fully understand where that love came from. That moment is what you live for. It is what I lived for. It is what we cry for.

Now, I have full custody. It was about 5 years of WORK - driving, calling, writing, visiting school, etc. - and, unfortunately, legal actions that got me what I wanted and MORE IMPORTANTLY what my child told my ex he wanted. I waited until he asked to live with me before I acted. That was very hard, but it was worth it.

There are too many great conversations (for me to list here) that my child and I have had over the past few years concerning the times I was not there. But to him, I was there. He knew I was there all the time because of the things I said and did. One of the greatest things was when he said he never knew I was mad or upset at his mom...but he also knew how bad it hurt me to let him go. HE WAS 9 when he said all these things to me! Another great moment!!

Sorry if I bored everyone with this story. I could write a book and actually do have two or three file boxes of items from over the years. I plan to show him one day the hell that it is for a father in that situation. Maybe it will help him avoid it??? If it does help him one little bit, then it was all worth it. After all, what would I not do for my son? NOTHING.

Good luck brother. If you think I can ever help you, please let me know. It is a long, hard road but I will be here as will the rest of the normal folks here! :)

-CC-
 
hugerobb

hugerobb

VIP Strength Advisor
Sep 15, 2010
2,027
56
#9
just hang in there and try to get it changed bro
 
whowhatwhenwhere

whowhatwhenwhere

Scammer
Dec 15, 2010
672
60
#10
It sucks bro...I have partial custody with my daughter and its still not enough...I have every other weekend, and every weds...and its hard.....they adjust better then we do to it...

Im about to go back to court because my ex is a cunt....I feel ya bro
 
JackD

JackD

Senior Moderators
Staff Member
Sep 16, 2010
4,993
505
#11
Man, I am sorry, I know the pain you are feeling. Truly try and go to the courts and change whatever can be changed, you have rights to see your son.

In the mean time, do whatever you are allowed to do to be involved in his life as much as possible. Driving him to school, getting him involved in after school programs where you help run them. Being the coach, getting him involved in the church a few times a week where you can be with him. Whatever the case, it's completly unfair how the courts can justify a father only seeing their son or daughter 4 x a month.

I'm sorry, hang in there, I'll keep you in my prayers.

Take care
 
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Youngstunna

Youngstunna

Trenja Turtle
Oct 21, 2010
829
40
#12
Bros I am facing this right now I have never been a perfect husband and she has never been a perfect wife, and the only thing that has really kept us together is our kids and not wanting them to grow up in a broken home, There is a big part of me that says I should just stick it out for my kids sake, because I dont want some other guy raising my kids and them becoming attached to him. My son is 6 and daughter is 2. We are trying counseling but after the first session I moved out of the house it was pretty ugly, we are gonna continue to go but sometimes I dont see a point in it anymore. I hate hearing about this kind of stuff and I can relate to what you guys are going through, Best of Luck to all my bros.
 
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