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Divorce

MuscleHead
Aug 11, 2011
631
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In April of this year a student (22) came on placement at my work.....After about a week we were getting on pretty well so I had my manager place her with me for the remaining two weeks. At the end of the three weeks we spoke in the locker room.... I told her I liked her and she said she felt the same but she had a boyfriend and it was bad timing.... we hugged…. Carried on talking then she said “ can I have another hug”…. Before I knew it she latched onto me and after a minute I tried to pull away but she wouldn’t let go.

So I asked if we could keep in touch via facebook. We were getting on really well on facebook and out of the blue she blocked me. After that I saw her a couple of times in town and she put her head down whilst proceeding to walk away.
Skip to october and my friend alerted me to the fact that this chicks mom was the new member of staff on nights ( I work days)..... so for a couple of weeks I was hiding at shift change over to avoid her.... anyway one night when I thought the ghost was clear I came out of the locker room.... as I was walking away her mom raised her voice and said... asasas says hi..... I turned round and was like that's a surprise as she blocked me...... it turns out she got strong feelings for me.... didnt know what to do and her boyfriend made her block me.
She came back on placement at the start of November (still has the boyfriend)…. At first things were awkward but then they returned to how they were before. My colleagues noticed her staring at me etc and looking away when I looked at her…. We spoke about common interests etc….. tension was definitely there. Anyway she interviewed and was offered bank work which essentially means she will cover sick days/holidays for regular staff. A few days after her placement ended I flew out to visit a friend in Florida who has severely declining health and will succumb to her illness. Whilst I was there my friend seized on my twice….. When I came home from florida and I laid there at night I could still feel her seizing on me…. Still can.
On my first day back at work she was there…. We partnered up and she seemed distracted…. I kept trying to elicit the cause from her and eventually she confided in me that she was 5 ½ months pregnant ( you couldn’t see through her uniform) and was getting a termination the following week… that night walking home we get something to eat and she said she didn’t know where the trust was coming from….. she hadn’t told her mom or siblings but trusted me enough to keep it a secret and to not judge her. She lives 3 blocks further away from work than me so I insisted on walking her home…. At the top of her street she asked me to stop and talk for five minutes… So I sat there in the bus stop and the first thing she said was are we going to talk about the elephant in the room? We both admitted that we felt really strongly but she still has a boyfriend. At the end of the chat I said I was going home and asked if I could have a hug….. she said no…. I said but you said I you love my hugs…. She said yeah…. That’s the problem….. I got one anyway.
Since then we have worked together a lot…. Following each other around with everyone at work noticing…. She hits me, cuddles me on occasion and makes no attempt to avoid physical contact…. She even went through my pockets grabbing indiscriminately looking for something in front of colleagues. On xmas eve I gave her a little present…. Nothing that would cross boundaries… she loved it…. We spoke for an 1 ½ hours in the cold….. her boyfriend tried calling and she just silenced the call. On the 26th she was a little weird and I asked what was up…. Her boyfriend got her the same gift but bigger and she was freaked that I got her the same thing. She seemed off so I kept asking if something had changed…. She said not but her behaviour suggested otherwise.

At 16:00 she went into the bathroom and cried…. I think her feelings for me have got to the point she doesn’t know what to do.
I asked her if she wanted “this” to stop…. She said it would be easier….. at 18:00 she was asking me a lot of personal questions….so I went along and asked her stuff. We finished work at 20:00 and stayed talking until 21:30…. She said if this is going to be a relationship I want to know more about you…. She also said that she knows I would give her a lot but she wasn’t sure what she could offer me….. I tried to explain that words do no justice to how she makes me feel and she said she “couldn’t see it” meaning she didn’t feel like she could offer me anything…… The next day at work it was like I was the plague….. she didn’t want to be near me or anything….. she just insisted that she hadn’t been feeling well. After work I walked her to the bus stop and headed home….. After arriving home I headed back out to see her walking across the bottom of my street. I caught up to her as I was walking that way…. She said she didn’t have enough money for the bus to town and was walking home…. I felt like I had been lied to….. she asked me in her cute voice what was wrong and I just said nothing….. at the bottom of her street I said her name and she said “whaty” in her cute voice again…. I said are you not going to say goodnight…. She was like we already have. I kind of chased her up the street as I didn’t understand her problem and I said what’s changed…. She said nothing so I just said you are infuriating and she said so are you.
So a few things….. Her mom adores me… apparently every time she talks about her boyfriend her mom starts talking about me. This is her first boyfriend…. They will have been together 2 years in feburary….. yet she feels this way about me. He is selfish and inconsiderate but she does love him…. Not sure she is in love with him. The girl…. Has low self-esteem…. I think that is evident by her belief she couldn’t offer me anything and IMO if he was treating her properly she wouldn’t have. But he is all she feels she has…. So it looks like she does believe she would be better off with me but she’s scared to take the risk. He does however go into the military at the otherside of the country in febuary and she may be attending the same university as me in September studying the same subject. BUT I think my anxiety from the seizing issue has crept into this and maybe put her off
Giving up on this girl is not an option….. I haven’t felt this way about anyone in 5 years….. and to be honest I didn’t believe I ever would. Usually I would never go near someone who is in a relationship but with how her feelings are towards me I figure she isn’t happy and she’s one in a million so I have broke my own moral code

So 1) How do I recover 2) how do I break the camels back and get her.

I'm not ready to run away yet
 
MorganKane

MorganKane

VIP Member
Nov 12, 2012
1,721
1,001
I say run Forest run....

Too much trouble out of the gate.
she is a liar, lack of self esteem, broke, pregnant, etc.

She can't even break up with the other dude.

Its nothing but a hard road ahead and you dont know her one bit.
 
Rider

Rider

TID Board Of Directors
Aug 27, 2010
1,670
1,061
I say run Forest run....

Too much trouble out of the gate.
she is a liar, lack of self esteem, broke, pregnant, etc.

She can't even break up with the other dude.

Its nothing but a hard road ahead and you dont know her one bit.

Agreed and good points, @MorganKane

We all been through heartache, but we are trying to help you. Cut the cord, ignore her, and if possible look for a different job come new year.

This girl is going to cause you issues for a long time, and work relationships are a recipe for disaster. It's essentially a ticking time bomb that will explode back on you!

I'm sorry, really wish I could be less gloomful.
 
luckysaint

luckysaint

VIP Member
Aug 5, 2011
175
93
OMG, Bro Seriously I haven't read such a long post in like forever!!! But adhere to this, by her coming into your life just means that something/someone even greater is on the way to you (you're being tested), bro I'm for-real!! DO NOT PUT YOURSELF IN THIS SITUATION! If she really loves you, if she really cared about you she would have left the other guy by now (period)! She is flirting with disaster, and is merely looking for the attention that she is not getting at home from him. Be a good Friend, but don't let this go any further.

Lucky
 
OldManStrength

OldManStrength

VIP Member
Apr 8, 2015
1,282
508
OMG run.... to much drama..... never start a relationship in drama... it will never end..
 
T

Torres

MuscleHead
Sep 16, 2013
308
44
Jesus bro , I had to proofread most of your post , it's Super long !!!
But what the fellas have said is what I agree with . Too much baggage , way too much !!! My .02 !!!
 

Jenner

Friends Remembered
Jan 9, 2012
2,457
553
hmmmmmmmm...we have had this as a discussion in the past...I am actually surprised it's still going on....but not really I guess...problem is, we can't control who we fall for and they aren't always a wise choice but we also won't listen to others on what to do...it's just not possible. You are going to have to ride this out and see where it leads you. If you are okay with shit going sideways and know you can recover...then go for it..just in case it works....BUT...if you know you will feel destroyed if it falls apart, do yourself a favor and move on. :)
 
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