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Is this woman "into" me?

E

earthbuddy

Member
Nov 8, 2010
41
0
#1
Little background. Im male, forty... ish, married. In where I work, I see many people per day but they are the same people. There is a woman that is forty...ish as well, married, that I have seen and worked with for several years now. I tended to pay extra attention to her over the years. In other words, Id "just drop by to see if all was ok" and if not I would do the work I needed to do. If all was ok, Id sit and chat for a few min with her, then be on my way.

She was "easy on the eyes" and was friendly so I did enjoy conversation with her. Strictly platonic though. never suggestive or anything....well....maybe a compliment on her hair every now and again. I always got a big smile from her though and I always was smiling big when I saw her.

Dont get me wrong though, there is not an issue with my marriage. Its solid. hers is solid as well best that I know. All the signs point to that.

It seems though that she may like me in a certain way. One time, we were in a training class together. I sat with other people so as not to invade her space. I could not keep from looking at her though since she did look good, and im a guy after all, but she kept looking at me as well. Id keep catching her in a look. This was several years ago.

Now, for the past two years, my work has changed so as I do not visit people face to face. I have no real reason to contact her or her to contact me, however, she has contacted me to fix an issue with her job that others could have fixed. We touch base a few times a year via email or I might "drop by" and visit her work site. We only talk about regular chit chat, how are the kids, we did this, did that, just general safe stuff. Still, the way she looks at me and makes time for me and the way she "enjoys" us talking has me wondering. it always has. Is she really "into" me or is she just overly friendly and she is this way with every guy?

the only reason I want to know is Id like to decide whether I should consider myself as still cool or a middle aged man that goes idiot when any woman is friendly to me.

Any thoughts?
 
Get Some

Get Some

MuscleHead
Sep 9, 2010
3,441
643
#2
Little background. Im male, forty... ish, married. In where I work, I see many people per day but they are the same people. There is a woman that is forty...ish as well, married, that I have seen and worked with for several years now. I tended to pay extra attention to her over the years. In other words, Id "just drop by to see if all was ok" and if not I would do the work I needed to do. If all was ok, Id sit and chat for a few min with her, then be on my way.

She was "easy on the eyes" and was friendly so I did enjoy conversation with her. Strictly platonic though. never suggestive or anything....well....maybe a compliment on her hair every now and again. I always got a big smile from her though and I always was smiling big when I saw her.

Dont get me wrong though, there is not an issue with my marriage. Its solid. hers is solid as well best that I know. All the signs point to that.

It seems though that she may like me in a certain way. One time, we were in a training class together. I sat with other people so as not to invade her space. I could not keep from looking at her though since she did look good, and im a guy after all, but she kept looking at me as well. Id keep catching her in a look. This was several years ago.

Now, for the past two years, my work has changed so as I do not visit people face to face. I have no real reason to contact her or her to contact me, however, she has contacted me to fix an issue with her job that others could have fixed. We touch base a few times a year via email or I might "drop by" and visit her work site. We only talk about regular chit chat, how are the kids, we did this, did that, just general safe stuff. Still, the way she looks at me and makes time for me and the way she "enjoys" us talking has me wondering. it always has. Is she really "into" me or is she just overly friendly and she is this way with every guy?the only reason I want to know is Id like to decide whether I should consider myself as still cool or a middle aged man that goes idiot when any woman is friendly to me.

Any thoughts?
Probably not that way with every guy. But one thing I will tell you is that women, especially older women cnb very comfortable with a male in a platonic relationship. Something you may consider "sexual" is viewed by her as "sensual." After women have children they change dramatically on the emotional side of things. They become much more "hands-on" and emotionally involved in situations. Also, her husband may be a great man, but can't be that "friend" to her.

Also, the biggest thing to remember (even though you are not considering an affair) is that men will have an affair to get the sex that they are lacking....but in most cases women will have an affair to get the emotional attachment they are lacking.

I could be wrong...but I doubt it, lol
 
MAYO

MAYO

Bad Mother
Sep 27, 2010
2,125
622
#3
Probably not that way with every guy. But one thing I will tell you is that women, especially older women cnb very comfortable with a male in a platonic relationship. Something you may consider "sexual" is viewed by her as "sensual." After women have children they change dramatically on the emotional side of things. They become much more "hands-on" and emotionally involved in situations. Also, her husband may be a great man, but can't be that "friend" to her.

Also, the biggest thing to remember (even though you are not considering an affair) is that men will have an affair to get the sex that they are lacking....but in most cases women will have an affair to get the emotional attachment they are lacking.

I could be wrong...but I doubt it, lol
Holy crap Dr. Phil, that was nicely stated. I was just gonna say "She wants to kill you and steal ur money." Everything GS said is prolly true.....but she still wants to kill you and steal your money.
 
Mindlesswork

Mindlesswork

Crusty Poo Butt
Sep 21, 2010
1,395
33
#4
Holy crap Dr. Phil, that was nicely stated. I was just gonna say "She wants to kill you and steal ur money." Everything GS said is prolly true.....but she still wants to kill you and steal your money.
Not to mention your soul ;)
 
cyto33

cyto33

MuscleHead
Sep 15, 2010
346
2
#7
i would tend to agree with GS on this. i work with ladies all day and its the same thing. the bring me in lunch and coffee and other treats. send me picture of the family functions. its just some one to chat with that they feel safe with. step over the bounds and you loose that person and the perks of extra food or what ever.
 
E

earthbuddy

Member
Nov 8, 2010
41
0
#8
Thanks for the thoughts. I think I get it. So im not going to be an idiot about it. We have a nice friendship so I will not read anything else into it. Id rather be friends anyway instead of something different. I value my relationship with my wife way too much. id have to tell the other where to go and then Id have lost a nice friendship. I guess thats why my wife keeps me around lol! Im a good listener and enjoy talking to her. I need to keep what you said in mind to keep my marriage healthy as well.
Thanks
 
JackD

JackD

Senior Moderators
Staff Member
Sep 16, 2010
5,067
539
#9
A lot of times guys over read a woman's friendly gestures for actually liking more than what's really there. I've done this myself before, only to realize, they did not like me that way, and just thought I was a cool person to hang around with. Since those times, I have learned a lot. I've learned to read women and distinguish the two.

At my glance about your life, It would be safe to say she enjoy's your company, you're a good person to talk to, and being married, she feels at ease that you are not out to get her in bed. So essentially, you'll have a better friendship and that's why both of you communicate the way you do.

I know from personal experience, than when a woman likes you, you'll know. Its not normal chit chat, its more endearing, its more focused on what you are doing, and giving very big hints of wanting to go hang out, or you should try what they just did, and can't forget about some soft personal touches and flirting. I'm almost married here myself, and my girl herself is the one that asked me out. She made a point to touch me to let me know she was in the room before going through what I listed above. Which let me know, she wanted more than to just see how my day was going.

So from that, I'll just leave you with the fact, focus on your marriage and enjoing your friendships with co-workers.
 
JayFive

JayFive

Member
Oct 27, 2010
21
3
#10
A lot of times guys over read a woman's friendly gestures for actually liking more than what's really there. I've done this myself before, only to realize, they did not like me that way, and just thought I was a cool person to hang around with. Since those times, I have learned a lot. I've learned to read women and distinguish the two.

At my glance about your life, It would be safe to say she enjoy's your company, you're a good person to talk to, and being married, she feels at ease that you are not out to get her in bed. So essentially, you'll have a better friendship and that's why both of you communicate the way you do.

I know from personal experience, than when a woman likes you, you'll know. Its not normal chit chat, its more endearing, its more focused on what you are doing, and giving very big hints of wanting to go hang out, or you should try what they just did, and can't forget about some soft personal touches and flirting. I'm almost married here myself, and my girl herself is the one that asked me out. She made a point to touch me to let me know she was in the room before going through what I listed above. Which let me know, she wanted more than to just see how my day was going.

So from that, I'll just leave you with the fact, focus on your marriage and enjoing your friendships with co-workers.
Oh god dammit! I think I have the other end of the spectrum for me here at work. The girl I talk to is around my age, talks with me all the time, and has on multiple occassions touched my arm or shoulder to say "hi" or "cya". Normally asks what plans I have for the weekend or day, etc. I thought she was just talking to me because I'm a good listener and now you went and got me all noided.
 
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E

earthbuddy

Member
Nov 8, 2010
41
0
#11
There is another lady that calls me "honey" or "hon" but thats just the way she talks. She calls everybody honey. I get a kick out of it though.
 
E

earthbuddy

Member
Nov 8, 2010
41
0
#12
Many years ago, I worked with a girl and we became friends but that friendship had undertones of her having a wonder if her marriage was what she wanted. The friendship became flirtatious. The wife picked up on me having a hand in it and she set me straight. I vowed then to never allow a friendship into that area. That friendship also took a dive since the girl then felt ditched. Since then, we still see each other in the work place and all is forgotten but the friendship was ruined back then anyway.

Thats why i wondered about this friendship. I dont want to run from any girls friendship but I dont need one that may go in the wrong direction either. I will run from that.

JackD, what you say about a girl will give very big hints of wanting to go hang out, she has done that a few times but it has always been where her kids would be since they do a few specific activities where my kids could have some interest. She will volunteer information about what they will be doing on some weekends. I think that is some of what had me wondering. She still could just be very friendly in that way though but I just did not know if these were very subtle hints and I needed to keep my guard up.
 
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