Husbands/BF/Partners who don't train...

Discussion in 'Female Training Discussion' started by TenaciousA, Feb 20, 2014.

  1. Dr_jitsu

    Dr_jitsu Senior Member

    Apr 21, 2013
    Wow, taper down the androgens. I never said that my way is the only way. You are entitled to your opinion, and I am entitled to mine. I cannot stay with someone on the road to morbid obesity. We may disagree, but I am not going to be so rude as to tell you to "shut the hell up." Furthermore, you are rejecting the purpose of TID.

    Here is the Mission Statement of this forum: "We are an online Community dedicated to the exchange of ideas and information relating to all aspects of bodybuilding, powerlifting and strength training. Our goal is to become the leading resource for every strength athlete seeking the information and advice needed to meet all of their fitness related goals.

    I am exchanging ideas. If you do not like my ideas, please explain why, as other who disagree with me have. Telling me to shut up is hardly a reasonable answer. As a mod, you should know this. Are you going to ban me for disagreeing with you?
  2. Rottenrogue

    Rottenrogue Strongwoman Administrator Staff Member

    Jan 26, 2011
    No I wouldn't ban you for disagreeing with me you are in a pattern in your threads though
  3. Dr_jitsu

    Dr_jitsu Senior Member

    Apr 21, 2013
    Hypothetically, if my wife were a concert pianist I of course would not be one. I can barely play chopsticks. However, she would probably want to marry someone who shares her musical interest. Someone who likes Beethoven, Rachmaninoff, Mozart. If all I listened to was Lady Ga Ga, Miley Cyrus, I would not expect her to have any interest in me.

    For the record, my wife DOES like Lady Ga Ga, I just try and stay far away when she is playing on the stereo:)
  4. Dr_jitsu

    Dr_jitsu Senior Member

    Apr 21, 2013
    I have 38 years of consistent training and 13 shows under my belt. If you wife does not leave about the 5 week out point, then you did not train, diet, or gear up hard enough.

    But then she goes to the night show, you look so awesome that all is forgiven.
  5. FLEXjs

    FLEXjs TID Board Of Directors

    Apr 23, 2012
    I'm just saying people don't need to have everything in common.

    Mrs Flex hates the music I prefer (metal) and I hate the music she prefers (Classic Country) but we meet in the middle and listen to Classic rock when we're together, which we both like.

    Although she has lifted regularly in the past and does lift on occasion now, she doesn't share my life-long passion for it. It's more of a chore and necessary evil for her.

    She does, however, support me 100% by cooking for me, doing the extra laundry it creates, buying me lifting related stuff, never biotching when I spend an entire Saturday afternoon at the gym, and she even accompanied me when I went to a PL Meet in NY last year, taking vids of my lifts and cheering me on.

    Mutual admiration, repsect, support, etc. is the key here. I'm no Dr Phil, but after two failed marriages I've at least figured out what doesn't work.

    We're coming up on 9 years together and I couldn't be happier. And if she never set foot in a gym again that wouldn't change.

    But I would definitely hope not only because I've always enjoyed lifting with her. :)
    PCDave likes this.
  6. Gregger

    Gregger MuscleHead

    Dec 16, 2012
    That's a fact, I certainly did not.
    Your dedication is admirable, if I stuck to it for 13 shows maybe my routine wouldn't have sucked as bad as it did.
  7. Dex

    Dex VIP Member

    Mar 30, 2011
    Having similar interests obviously helps a marriage but it doesn't define it. My wife and I both workout and that's how we met. She's a personal trainer and worked for as one of their athletes. While it does help our relationship it doesn't mean if either one of us stopped our marriage would fall apart. There are more important things in life and some things are more important to your partner than you. If you can both come to an understanding of each others like and dislikes then there shouldn't be a problem.

    I'm sure your partner has likes or hobbies that you don't understand or like but because it's the gym it matters? I don't understand that.
  8. Dr_jitsu

    Dr_jitsu Senior Member

    Apr 21, 2013
    That is great...especially the cooking part. My wife is also an excellent cook....I do the dishes, though. I love classic rock. One day, I was playing Led Zeppelin, and I turned the volume down and asked her "sweetie, do you recognize this band?" She said no. I said "I will give you a hint: they are the greatest Rock and Roll band of all time. She blinked those big brown eyes at me and said "The Beetles." I said "just you stay pretty", whereupon I got punched in the shoulder. Shoulder punches are good.

    I also had a "starter marriage." Fortunately, I have learned how to stay married. You absolutely cannot control what your wife does. My wife wanted to get a cat. I hate cats (love dogs) so we compromised, and got the cat. All the major decisions are made by women, btw.

    The only thing you can do is keep her in love with you. Do not call her to "check up on her" after she went to lunch w/ her boss, reeks of insecurity. My wife once said to me "I am having lunch w/ my boss....he is so good looking. I said "that is nice." She said "he drives a Ferrari." I said "sweet."

    The next day she said "don't you want to know how my lunch went?" I said "no, why?" She said "aren't you jealous?" I said "no, did you have sex with him?" She said "of course not." I said "cool." I got punched in the shoulder again.:eek:

    Another mistake men make with women is they don't understand the difference in communication. When men communicate, we go into problem solving mode. For example, I put a huge assed stereo in my BMW, and it killed my alternator. So, I ask my friend "hey, where can I get a custom alternator for my big assed stereo?"

    Women are different. They come home from work, and want to talk about "their day." They already know exactly what they are going to do. The mistake men make, is they immediately start interrupting by going into problem solving mode. DO NOT DO THIS, WOMEN HATE IT!! Just shut your mouth and listen. Nod your head, pretend that you are interested (my wife likes to talk about firing people...I hate that topic...but I listen). I don't utter a single syllable, and wifey says "it is so good talking to you."

    Also, women keep score differently. Guys buy their gal a Lexus and think "that's 100 points, I don't have to work on anything in our relationship for 6 months." WRONG! Its 1 point. Take out the garbage when she asks, 1 point. Listen to her talk about her day, 1 point. Its all 1 point, and you have to rack them up consistently to keep her interest level high.
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2014
  9. Dr_jitsu

    Dr_jitsu Senior Member

    Apr 21, 2013
    I call it "the sickness." I did 13, but only won 2.
  10. TenaciousA

    TenaciousA MuscleHead

    Mar 31, 2013
    Wow....I didn't mean to cause quite the controversy.
    I really appreciate everyone's POV---how everyone handles their unique situation (with corresponding details and issues therein) may have a common theme but does all come down, I believe, to how much you love the other person and can compromise.

    There is something to be said for being with the WRONG person, but no one is perfect---and I'm hoping I am smart enough to have waited 31 years and a ****ed up first 8y marriage like relationship to have chosen Ian for a reason. It's very difficult to have these "competing" interests, but we talked it out---he lets me do my thing while he does his, we decided it's ultimately healthy AS LONG AS we are always honest with each other as to what's occurring, why we are going to gym/his garage time---and then when we are with each other give one another our full attention and respect.

    I believe this is one of the fundamental issues with all relationships now; there are entirely too many distractions that exist to make one think "well...I can have it better/differently if I were alone, or with this person, etc" vs being mature and dealing with problems. So sad.

    But sincere appreciation for input. Go kick today's ass!
  11. PCDave

    PCDave Member

    Feb 21, 2014
    Just throwing it out there...I kicked the shit out of today.
  12. IronInsanity

    IronInsanity TID Board Of Directors

    May 3, 2011
    My wife lifts 4 days a week but we never lift together.

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