Husbands/BF/Partners who don't train...

Discussion in 'Female Training Discussion' started by TenaciousA, Feb 20, 2014.

  1. Jenner

    Jenner LeanMachine Staff Member

    Jan 9, 2012
    2,453
    583
    Hey lady, I feel your frustration but I have never had this issue and not because I have been with people that share our passion..it just was never a problem for either side. For those of us that this is a lifestyle for, we just live it day in and day out..I don't even think about it or how it might affect the people around me because it just is and I'm never giving it up so anyone with me just has to accept it and vice versa, if I choose someone not in the lifestyle. :)

    Hope things get worked out cuz you are pretty awesome! :)
     
  2. Blacken

    Blacken Senior Member

    Sep 6, 2013
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    40
    My fiance is pretty much the opposite of me in this regard I'm bite by the iron bug and well she is the opposite of that. However she knows and understands I have to do my thing. I think that is the biggest thing as long as they let you do your thing it isn't a problem.

    At times sure it can be a downer because it would be fun to have a partner to do it with but we all got bite by the ironbug on our own life does really change.

    What kills is that she has super genetics, can't lie I'm jealous but not really. She toyed around with exercise one summer and got almost competition lean not even being serious or having a clue about exercise (before we dated). Unlike most of us the last place she gains weight is her stomach and it's the first she loses weight. She can be heavy everywhere else and still a have a decent flat abs. She could really go far if she ever got bite by the ironbug and took it serious.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2014
  3. Blacken

    Blacken Senior Member

    Sep 6, 2013
    212
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    Meant life doesn't really change
     
  4. TenaciousA

    TenaciousA VIP Member

    Mar 31, 2013
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    Really appreciate the input. I think I'm making a bigger deal out of it right now than it is, but prefer to be upfront v waiting for shit to go down!

    Ian loves me for me, and he'd love me if I were big, little, fat, skinny, whatever. So he says. I wouldn't love me that way but that's just me. I'm a little crazy and I'll be the first to admit it. I have control issues. But I want him to be happy, me to be happy, and US to be happy. So we keep after it....

    We do need to talk, and I need to stop feeling so ****ing guilty about doing it and do me and let him do him and then ROCK our time together....(that's for another shit conversation between the girls only)....

    Hope y'all train hard and have a great weekend.
     
  5. ozzy69

    ozzy69 VIP Member

    Apr 5, 2011
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    Sounds like there might be more going on then the working out thing. Good luck too you
     
  6. Zomb131

    Zomb131 VIP Member

    Jan 31, 2011
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    Screenshot_2014-02-16-10-33-20-1[1].jpg

    Photo says it all
     
  7. PCDave

    PCDave Member

    Feb 21, 2014
    28
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    ^ that's right, haha.

    Anyway, I was having the same issue with my fiance. She's known that since before we started dating 4+ years ago, the gym was "my happy place". It saved my ass and she knows it. Her issue is that her ex was the same way, but he was sleeping around with girls at the gym. I go to lift and that's it. Yet she still has issues with it. Maybe it's the amount of time i spent there, but that varied depending on what time of day I went. So I dunno. Before we met, she used to go to the gym, and she said that she loved It. I've asked if she wanted to go with me and tried to encourage her to go on her own or with a friend, but she basically refuses to set foot in another gym now. I'm perfectly fine with that, as I could really care less anymore if she goes to the gym or not, I just want her to be happy and healthy. I would love it if she came to the gym with me, but I know that ones not going to happen, so I basically gave up on asking if she's interested.
     
  8. Dr_jitsu

    Dr_jitsu Senior Member

    Apr 21, 2013
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    Tenacious: You are 100% justified. I will go further and say that if one person is a fitness fanatic, and the other a slob, then the marriage wont work. I am not saying your husband needs to stat training for a show, but he needs to at least work out a few days a week, and have a semblance of a good diet. You work your ass off in the gym, your partner should be in decent shape.

    The best time to deal with this issue is BEFORE the marriage. When I met my wife, I was seeing other women. My wife and I had amazing chemistry, but she was 25 lbs over weight. She wanted me to stop seeing other women (she even knocked on my door 3 minutes after the other women left). I told her that I was into fitness, and that my life partner needed to be as well. I started training her, did a diet...after 4 months she was an absolute knockout. She got pregnant, and I married her. We did not have one fight in our first year together.

    She was huge after the pregnancy, but got into Cross Fit and again was gorgeous.

    Less than 2 years ago, I quit my college teaching job and purchased a business. I lost about $100k. For the first 6 years of our marriage, I was taking home $150k a year, and paid for everything. Bought her a Porsche Twin Turbo Cayenne, a Mercedes, loaded our house w/ 100k in furniture and electronics, etc. In the last 2 years, my wife has been paying 2/3rds of the bills.

    She is very sweet, a great mother, cooks, does not nag or bitch at me....however she is passive aggressive. She knows that I am turned off by fat women, so she quit working out, quit eating right (refuses to eat breakfast) and stopped taking her thyroid medication. She blew up: 35 lbs overweight, more chins than a Chinese phone book.

    Since she became the primary breadwinner, I was on her health insurance, she felt that she had me she, even said "gotcha" when the topic came up. I never once said she was fat, but she became a roommate to me. We did nothing together, and had absolutely zero intimacy. I literally begged her to go to the gym w/ me but she refused.

    I started looking for teaching jobs. I found a killer job 1k miles away, in a suburb of Denver. I would be 20 minutes away from some of the best skying in the world.

    They wanted me to come out for an interview. I called my wife and told her, and she hung up on me. 15 minutes later she was home and crying her eyes out. We made up. It was intense, she finally admitted why she was angry, and that she let herself go as a form of retaliation against me. I reminded her of the agreement we made, and I am training her now. She has lost the roll of fat around her waist, her butt has become exceptional, and she is making great progress. After each workout, I tell her how proud I am of her.

    Our marriage is stronger than ever.

    So, the point of all this is that I believe a couple needs to share the same interests. Have you tried to get your husband to come to the gym with you? Did he play any sports in the past? Can you interest him in any physical activities?


     
  9. FLEXjs

    FLEXjs TID Board Of Directors

    Apr 23, 2012
    3,433
    837
    So if I marry a concert pianist and have no clue how to play a piano I should start taking lessons a few days a week or the marriage won't work?

    Sorry but your entire post was off the mark.

    You and your wife certainly had some issues. Wow, did you ever. But I don't think her training or not had anything to do with it. If she got fat on purpose that's crazy right there. More of a symptom of the problem than the problem itself, though

    Same goes for your reaction to her weight gain.

    My S.O. trains sporadically when she feels like it and when her workload allows. Doesn't matter to me one bit. She's amazing and makes me happy and I will never care how much she weighs.
     
    mands and BrotherIron like this.
  10. Rottenrogue

    Rottenrogue Strongwoman Administrator Staff Member

    Jan 26, 2011
    6,534
    1,838
    Will you just shut the hell up. Seriously. It can work if one is a slob and one is fitness orientated. It depends on the people
    Im not sure why your way has to be the only way. This is becoming a pattern with you
     
    mands likes this.
  11. BrotherIron

    BrotherIron TID Board Of Directors

    Mar 6, 2011
    9,509
    2,196
    I don't believe a couple has to share the interests at all. That isn't even a good thing sometimes. I think both need to have their own interests b/c you can't/shouldn't cling to the other.

    The only thing that has to happen is that both support each other fully 100%.
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2014
  12. Gregger

    Gregger MuscleHead

    Dec 16, 2012
    1,583
    373
    Sorry... wrong...
    Though my wife is no slob, she has never really taken to the gym or has any real desire to.
    She doesn't like to ride on my motorcycle either, so what? we get divorced after 32yrs?

    Look, I didn't start until 2009 at 49yrs old; suddenly my friends were all gym related and I competed in Master's BB'ing in 2011.
    My FB blew up with all sorts of new people, she always supported me, but not once came to a show or trained with me.
    Did it cause bumps here and there? to be certain... And I certainly didn't help matters by accepting a host of "Pros" on my FB page including figure/bikini competitors (ok, that was stupid).

    But that's been rectified, but she still has to endure her GF's asking questions... etc, etc...

    She's got her thing, I got mine... Simple as that... She does eat better because I'm chief cook and bottle washer, and that is a good start.

    End rant
    Greg
     

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