How do I tell my wife she is FAT :(

[Fury]

Tell her how you feel I have split with my wife of almost 20 years because what your going to find is that your not going to have husband wife relationship buy a flat mate relationship like I had.communication you loose that and it's like your living on your own.the truth hurts whether it's her wieght or other underlining issues you may have and she may have.Its normal to feel like that because I have seen women in my gym who I helped loose wieght change there whole deminore towards there husbands and even a close female friend of mine finds her husband unattractive as he has let himself go and she hardly has sex with him.Are we shallow,some people are but at the end of the day you still want to be sexually attractive to the opposite sex that being your wife.The truth is you will cheat behind your wife because the seed is planted in you head if you don't find her sexually attractive.you have to remember bodybuilding is a very vain narsist sport.We train we inject and so on so you look at your partner and say fuk I'm busting my ass to look like God and she is eating herself to look like shit and the mind starts look at other avenues that being other women and this works both ways my friend I know I'm single know and the amount of women that I have met married and single is a lot especially married women lol.Dont sugar coat tell her the truth and tell her how you feel.if I get flamed by my response so be it.good luck

 

[tommyguns2]

A lot of good advice here, especially from the ladies. I like the idea of broaching the topic from a health point of view, not a weight point of view. Encourage her to do activities with you that get her more active. Go on weekend bike rides, take evening walks during the week. Those can be great opportunities to talk with one another and re-connect. With changes in hormones, and the stresses of being a mom, this could give her a chance to open up to you. I'm sure there are things going on that are deeper than the weight. The weight gain is just an outward sign of some of the things she's dealing with inside. Let her know that you want to know what's going on, and that you want to be part of a constructive solution, and that she's not having to deal with whatever it is alone.

 

[Eric Denney]

Don't tell her she is fat. She knows. Offer for her to work out with you. If that doesn't work find another female to get her to workout. Start her walking and work up from there.

 

[zipbolang]

love the cowbell!

 

[GiantSlayer]

Better to live with a fat woman than a resentful one.

 

[cagedfreak]

Tell her that u find her sexually unappealing the fatter she gets, u love her no matter what of course but it is human nature to desire the things we find appealing, personally I think the worst thing one spouse can do to another is ignore the weight gain and pretend like it doesnt bother you when it cleary does....if issues like this are adressed as soon as they emerge then they are an easy fix, once the years go by and she keeps gaining weight year after year eventually she will be to far gone to ever regain the sexy figure you desire, and it will be mostly your fault brother, because how will she know her apperance bothers you if u dont tell her? Wouldnt you want her to tell you if she was loosing sexual I.trest in you due to weight gain? Wouldnt u rather hear it, adress it, make a change and continue to look the way she likes? Or would you rather her lie to you, and pretend that nothing is wrong when deep down she is getting more and more turned off by your apperance, maybe she would even begin to look elsewhere to find what she likes as thousands of spouses do every day. Be honest but be kind about it, and dont drop stupid hints like going on hikes or making healthy meals when your fridge is still full of junk food that she will continue to eat. Tell her gently, reassure her that you do love her reguardless of her apperance but you are a man and ur desires cant be hidden forever. She may be upset for a day or so, but trust me she will adress the issue becuz she doesnt want u to stray

 

[NDLessPSYcle]

I have zero input but figured I'd browse this thread in case needed for future reference.

I'll just say it is a very difficult call to do or say the right thing. Sometimes people know they are sliding downhill in life and other times they do not. I saw a pic of my maybe 6 years ago and I was like WOW what a fat ****. I guess my thing is sometimes people don't know as it has been said. Other times its something internal that pushes them that way. I suppose approaching it from a health perspective and siting things that may tie her to those reasons could urge her to get back on track and then volunteer to do things such as eat or exercise so she realizes its a team effort. Man OP I have nothing better than what has been said. I only wish you two the best of luck.

 

[graniteman]

You don't you simply just don't.
Maybe start doing family sports or hikes. Maybe use the route that as a family let's eat better for health. But don't tell her she is fat or unattractive to you.
Those are comments that go in the female Rolodex and get brought back up repeatedly. And hurtful as well.

Yes as RR said, if you value your ballz Don't do it. That will destroy her and you with her. Just get her to start walking with you, jogging, bike riding etc. She'll get the feeling she's a lil outta shape by herself.

 

[ceo]

Thanks everyone for the responses.

I know better not to say anything negative to her as quoted here, women are like elephants and they do NOT FORGET I've been married for 20 years, I get it..and her. I have bit my tongue many times and always encouraged the positive in her, never saying anything negative. But 3 years of this down hill spiral is frustrating for me as there has been little or no effort on her side. Just to let ya'll know , I could have stepped outside of our marriage multiple times but I am faithful to my wife and family..PERIOD. Every time I have been approached, I politely tell the interested party, I am flattered, however, I am married and plan to stay that way, so thank you, but no thank you...with all due respect The only Issue I have with my wife is that her priorities seem to be TV and eating like Crap & then complaining of how bad she looks and fells about her body! IT's a lack of self respect issue. The biggest turn off for me is hearing someone complaining how fat they are and doing nothing about it but complaining and then continue doing the same bad habit over and over again. It's a loose - Loose situation for me, IF I dare say anything, I"m the asshole and she will never forget any negative comments, yet I say nothing and another 3 years of bad habits go by = problem just gets .......Bigger, for a lack of better word & to make things worse, all of this is compounded by lots of beautiful girls hitting on me. I know better not to go down this road, but at times, I can't lie and say I have not been tempted. The only issue I my wife and I have is her lack of self respect. Yes, I have been tempted but I vowed to her our wedding vows and I plan to keep them! I'm just really frustrated as I am dammed if I do, damned if I don't....and damned if I do. I know that I need to find a positive way to get her motivated and that's my only move. IF I"m honest with her........I loose and that has never set right with me. The only positive thing about this is that she has been going to the gym 2-3 days a week, but no real effort. I don't dare train her ( I used to be a personal trainer years ago and I am a peer fitness trainer @ work ). I could not agree more to pay someone else to do that job Delicate balance, that's for sure!

Thanks everyone for the input!

Never forget the importance of trying to be attractive to your significant other. Realize that attraction is not just physical but also emotional, spiritual and self respect. Remember when you were dating how important it was or is to be attractive to your significant other, always keep site of that

Start doing the cooking and cook healthy meals. Turn the TV off and go for a nice walk every evening, holding hands and talking. If you have a dog, that's a great excuse to go for a walk. Start complimenting her on her efforts at the gym. Ask her if she's lost weight at some opportune moment. When is the last time you took her out on a date night? Get her dressed up and feeling good.

It might be a hormonal/medical issue. Possibly a thyroid issue? Not uncommon for women to develop hypothyroidism, making it difficult for them to control their weight.

Be positive, and lead her gently in a better direction. Instead of trying to take her to the gym, ask to go with her when she goes. And then just do your thing while she does hers, unless she asks you for something. If she asks you to take a yoga class, happily tell you you'd love to do it. Etc., etc. and so on.

Good luck.

 

[Joliver]

You can't say shit. This new generation is full of people that will crush a "fat shamer" and the PC "you are beautiful--inside and out" movement will relegate your honesty into the insult bin and her friends will make damn sure the rest of what you say ends up there too.

People care when they are forced to care. A little jealousy goes a long way. A few subtle hints that some girl in the gym is interested in you will do the trick. But make it seem like you aren't interested to keep life bearable. For example: "some new chick at the gym is wanting to to a physique show and keeps bothering the hell out of me for diet and exercise tips--like I have time to sit there for 20 minutes to chat away. Like I don't have other stuff to do--I'm too damn busy."

That oughta do it. Or she could kill you for the insurance money...I've seen it go both ways.

 

[IronCore]

 

[IronCore]

seriously though... be honest... i don't know your style and approach... but the next time she makes a statement that she isnt happy with her looks... you may want to point out that she must be perfectly content with it... because she isn't doing anything to change it. If you dont like what you see it doesn't make you a shallow asshole... it makes you HUMAN!!! you guys have been together 20 years... you think she doesn't realize you are looking at other women by now... unless she is a moron she knows other women throw it at you... women wrote the book on shallow and vanity... like it was said before... let her see that there is a little friendly competition, and while she is still in the #1 spot... others are gunning for it... she will either step up or step down... at that point YOU have to decide on what you want... I will refrain from any further advice because I don't want to lead you down the wrong path.... but dont let these folks make you feel bad about asking us this question.. this is a good topic.. one that many have run into in the past.