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A little humor for today

JackD

JackD

Senior Moderators
Staff Member
Sep 16, 2010
5,034
523
#1
A little Catholic sense of humor. I couldn't resist passing this on.



'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl.'

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'
!
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'







'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you
may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

! 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'



'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'



'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'



The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped,
and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to
atone. You cannot be an altar boy now
for 4 months. Now you go and
behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and
whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads...'
 
captaincaveman

captaincaveman

TID Board Of Directors
Oct 17, 2010
1,147
220
#2
That's funny! Here's one for ya:

A little boy that was Jewish walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, can I have twenty dollars?"
His dad says, "Ten dollars? What do you need five dollars for?"
 
Bowhunter

Bowhunter

Senior Member
Oct 12, 2010
149
2
#5
The Russian wrestling team came to America looking to win every match to be played. The largest Russian on the team, a real heavy weight known for creaming all his opponents, had a move called The Mongolian Death-grip. When it was the heavy-weight American’s turn to take on this huge Russian Bear, the coach told him to be careful, and “Whatever happens, don’t let him get you in the Mongolian Death-grip!”

The referee gets the 2 warriors together, bang goes the bell and in less than 30 seconds the American is wrapped into a pretzel, victim of the Mongolian Death-grip. The coach is tremendously disappointed, turns away from the match shaking his head. He knows the poor American is a goner. All of a sudden, the crowd erupts with cheers and applause. The coach turns around and can’t believe his eyes! The American has pinned the Russian and 1, 2, 3 he wins the match! As the American approaches the coach, the coach screams, “Oh my God, how did you get out of the Mongolian Death-grip? No one has every gotten out of that hold before.” The wrestler replies, “Well coach, you see, there I was, all twisted up like a pretzel. I was really hurting, it was tough to breathe and I knew I wasn’t going to last much longer. I looked up and there they were, the biggest set of testicles you have ever seen, only inches away from my mouth. Figuring I had nothing to loose, I just reached up and bit down as hard as I could!”

The coach replies, and THAT is how you overpowered the Russian huh? “Yep replied the wrestler. You’d be amazed how much strength you can generate when you bite your own nuts!” :D
 
Last edited:
hugerobb

hugerobb

VIP Strength Advisor
Sep 15, 2010
2,027
56
#7
ok this is too much funny shit for this early in the morning LOL
 
Bowhunter

Bowhunter

Senior Member
Oct 12, 2010
149
2
#10
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started......

**************************************************

My wife walked into the den & asked "Whats on the TV?"

I replied "Dust".

And that's how the fight started.....

**************************************************
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started........

**************************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds. I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started......

**************************************************
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's when the fight started....

**************************************************
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes.'

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's when the fight started.....

**************************************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's when the fight started.....

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's when the fight started.....

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, had some breakfast, and slipped quietly into the garage. With intentions of starting it in the street, I clicked the Harley into neutral, punched the garage door remote, and proceeded out into a torrential downpour. It was raining sideways since the wind was blowing 50 mph, so I backed into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out riding in that?"

And that is when the fight started...
__________________________________________________

A man and a woman were asleep at 3:00am like two innocent babies. Suddenly, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, "HOLY COW! That must be my husband!"

So the man jumped out of the bed, scared and naked, and went out of the window. He landed in a thorn bush, and then ran to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, "I AM your husband!"

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And that's when the fight started...

************************************************** *
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' said my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And that's how the fight started.....
 
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