Revisiting the gym: hypertrophy program suggestions?

[Go Away]

I am almost certain this thread has been started in the past, but I'm going to be a selfish bastard and make it super-personal so I can get some good advice...

I'm 34, 6' and 310 lbs of chewed bubblegum who hasn't been in the gym consistently in almost two years.
I used to focus on powerlifting and have two meets under my belt where I did ok but nothing too special.
I've never seen my abs before and probably haven't ever been under 20% BF.

I know my way around the gym and recently gained access to my university's training facilities - many squat racks and those big, dumb colorful weights. You know the ones that are the same size as 45 plates but weigh 10 and are all primary colors? Yeah, those amidst a bunch of college students: yoga pant camel toes and tons of bros in Crossfit tank tops.

I honestly don't know if I'll ever experience having a six pack, but I need a change of pace. I want to get as lean as I've ever been and I want to do it asap! I want to stay injury-free and improve my quality of life. I chose a profession and school of study that will have and has had me on my ass more than I've ever experienced: going from manual labor, in-the-field gas work to freelance illustration.

I am natty but willing to work with things like the EC/ECY stack and will be running the CarbNite diet (keto for six days with an evening of gluttony not he seventh, repeat) for the next year because my self-control is really close to nonexistent. I have an addictive personality, am in recovery for alcoholism (one year as of January 1), definitely have a binge-eating disorder and suffer from depression/social anxiety. Seems like a lot to throw into a "help me lose weight" thread but I'm putting this out there so that I can get some good, particular advice and so others may learn from the mistakes and efforts from someone like myself.

I have access to most OTC supplements budget-wise but don't intend on becoming one of those Animalpak numbskulls who are taking 7000 pills a day to maximize minutiae. Right now, it's a bit of whey in my morning fat-laden coffee, fish oil and multivitamins daily, vitamin C and my mental health meds. Prozac made me gain so much fucking weight, as well as raising my already-disgusting eating habits of 3-4 bowls of cereal a night.

Fuck... that's a lot of vain bullshit right there.

Ok, so who has been through something similar and has a success story they'd like to share?
Who thinks they know exactly what I need?
Who wears Crossfit tank tops?

Looking forward to your responses. This is always my first stop on the road to recomposition. I love this place. Thanks!

 

[5.0]

Slim fast and planet fitness bro

 

[Go Away]

Slim fast and planet fitness bro

You motherfucker, you...

 

[rawdeal]

Sounds like you've got the knowledge to know what will work, gym-wise, and macros-wise. You're strong on candor, admittedly weak on discipline diet-wise. Not weak on discipline in general, witness the recovering from alcoholism. You run across a lot of people in the recovery subculture, surely you've heard talk about people substituting food for alcohol, with sugar being a major player there? Alcoholics are quick to point out that recognizing you have a problem is the first step to recovery, and so it goes with sugar.

Training? German Volume Training might be ideal for you, but it might be a no go in a busy gym where you can't expect to own a piece of equipment for 10 sets with short rests. Gonna have to choose a training style that fits in with all the gym traffic. Maybe some compound exercises with weights for one set each Arthur Jones/Nautilus style, as in . . . you max out with super strict form and pace within each rep. Can be super intense but minimizes chance of injury when the positive and negative of each rep is agonizingly slow. You start out with a plan for what sequence the exercises follow, you adapt when you must to work in with the traffic.

Cardio machines each workout, go crazy on one machine for a while, or on a different machine each workout, treadmills, step-ups, bicycling, rowing.

Be your own best friend. Disappointment is gonna happen along the way, gym's too crowded, weather sucks, a given workout didn't progress as much as you expected, don't let excuses throw you off course. Some sessions are gonna fill you with optimism, some just the opposite. Have the wisdom to recognize self-improvement is a marathon not a sprint (I DID grimace when I typed that). Maybe you'll gravitate toward hardcore BB or PL someday, but get yourself through prep school first. Competitive BBs and PLs don't follow a linear path to the top, they cycle their training. You will want each workout to out-do the last, but it won't always happen. Accept that, and KEEP FUCKING GOING.

 

[Superman]

Id help, but my ass knows nothing about being shredded while being big. I use to box was shredded then but at a measly 198

 

[BackAtIt]

How's your health (physical)?...

 

[PillarofBalance]

KISS

10 min cardio, Push
10 min cardio, Pull
10 min cardio, Legs
40 min cardio

No pills.

Calculate tdee and monitor food but not so religiously it ruins your life.

Basically try and do this with some chill. Look at your history, probably looks like mine.

We start something. We like it. Hyperfocus. Consumes all the oxygen in the room. Burn out. Fail.

Low and slow man.

 

[monsoon]

KISS

10 min cardio, Push
10 min cardio, Pull
10 min cardio, Legs
40 min cardio

No pills.

Calculate tdee and monitor food but not so religiously it ruins your life.

Basically try and do this with some chill. Look at your history, probably looks like mine.

We start something. We like it. Hyperfocus. Consumes all the oxygen in the room. Burn out. Fail.

Low and slow man.

What if he doesn't have 2+hours to workout? I was thinking something like the Zumba you gave me last year

 

[PillarofBalance]

What if he doesn't have 2+hours to workout? I was thinking something like the Zumba you gave me last year

That's 4 workouts I suggested not one marathon session

10 minute cardio plus a push session would be one work out. A 10'10 working at a fast pace all around @7 to @8.

 

[MAYO]

That's 4 workouts I suggested not one marathon session

10 minute cardio plus a push session would be one work out. A 10'10 working at a fast pace all around @7 to @8.

I'm with the POBbit...keep it simple and just get back in the damn gym. Your mind will remember and muscle memory will start to restore mass and strength faster than you think. Two years isn't that far out. You still have dormant muscle nuclei from before. Wake 'em up.

 

[Go Away]

I like this idea. I appreciate the frankness of my comrades.