Tenacious: You are 100% justified. I will go further and say that if one person is a fitness fanatic, and the other a slob, then the marriage wont work. I am not saying your husband needs to stat training for a show, but he needs to at least work out a few days a week, and have a semblance of a good diet. You work your ass off in the gym, your partner should be in decent shape.
The best time to deal with this issue is BEFORE the marriage. When I met my wife, I was seeing other women. My wife and I had amazing chemistry, but she was 25 lbs over weight. She wanted me to stop seeing other women (she even knocked on my door 3 minutes after the other women left). I told her that I was into fitness, and that my life partner needed to be as well. I started training her, did a diet...after 4 months she was an absolute knockout. She got pregnant, and I married her. We did not have one fight in our first year together.
She was huge after the pregnancy, but got into Cross Fit and again was gorgeous.
Less than 2 years ago, I quit my college teaching job and purchased a business. I lost about $100k. For the first 6 years of our marriage, I was taking home $150k a year, and paid for everything. Bought her a Porsche Twin Turbo Cayenne, a Mercedes, loaded our house w/ 100k in furniture and electronics, etc. In the last 2 years, my wife has been paying 2/3rds of the bills.
She is very sweet, a great mother, cooks, does not nag or bitch at me....however she is passive aggressive. She knows that I am turned off by fat women, so she quit working out, quit eating right (refuses to eat breakfast) and stopped taking her thyroid medication. She blew up: 35 lbs overweight, more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Since she became the primary breadwinner, I was on her health insurance, she felt that she had me she, even said "gotcha" when the topic came up. I never once said she was fat, but she became a roommate to me. We did nothing together, and had absolutely zero intimacy. I literally begged her to go to the gym w/ me but she refused.
I started looking for teaching jobs. I found a killer job 1k miles away, in a suburb of Denver. I would be 20 minutes away from some of the best skying in the world.
They wanted me to come out for an interview. I called my wife and told her, and she hung up on me. 15 minutes later she was home and crying her eyes out. We made up. It was intense, she finally admitted why she was angry, and that she let herself go as a form of retaliation against me. I reminded her of the agreement we made, and I am training her now. She has lost the roll of fat around her waist, her butt has become exceptional, and she is making great progress. After each workout, I tell her how proud I am of her.
Our marriage is stronger than ever.
So, the point of all this is that I believe a couple needs to share the same interests. Have you tried to get your husband to come to the gym with you? Did he play any sports in the past? Can you interest him in any physical activities?
Hi ladies,
So let me begin this post by stating that I am in no way venting (maybe a little), but am sincerely hoping to gain some genuine feedback about how to deal with this difficult situation.
I know that I have discussed the genesis of this conundrum before and do not wish to revisit.
Let's get to the question at hand, when living with a husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner who is absolutely in no way shape or form interested in a healthy habits (diet, sleep, etc) or working out, how do you deal with the inherent tension that this causes?
I fully respect the fact that people need time apart, as a lack there of is absolutely stifling. I absolutely do not intend to get out of my marriage, but I am concerned about the long-term issues that this may cause; and I do realize that issues only occur if you let them.
Sincere thanks in advance for your input.