Losing a loved one.

[SuperG]

Last year my long term g/f (over 2 years) passed away unexpectedly (suicide). I saw it happen and I've never felt so much pain. Its been 9 months and I've started dating again. I still have dreams about her. Sometimes I have good dreams where I see her and do things with her. Other dreams I wouldn't say are bad but I wake up sweating pretty bad. Have to take my shirt off and I don't fall back asleep right away. I still sleep with my girlfriends shirt. Hell I still refer to her as my girlfriend. The girl I date know knows what happened but I don't talk to her about my dreams or the feelings i still have for my ex. Never spoke to a therapist as I never felt better when I've done that before for other things in my life. Honestly I've become kinda a dick in certain situations. Friends have told me to tone it down.

I enjoy the company of the new girl but I never think it will be a long term relationship. Don't know if its me holding back or me not honestly looking at the relationship.

When she passed I would drink often and do cocaine. Party everyday. Had that if I survive I survive and if i die lucky me. I don't feel this way anymore.

What helped the members here get over the grief of a loved one?

[PillarofBalance]

I've never lost a "loved one" but my best friend I lost years ago.

Don't be stubborn about seeing a therapist. Things like this will destroy every relationship you ever enter into and more. Think of it like Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. You need to learn how to remember her without reliving what you saw.

If you have a physical ailment you see a doctor. Has he been able to immediately cure you every time? Of course not. I would suggest not holding mental health professionals to a higher standard than a physician.

Best wishes bro.

[GOODFELLAS]

Nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. They will help you.

[pshnbgw8]

I feel your pain and am Sry for your loss. Last Nov my wife passed away from a heroin overdose. The hardest thing to get past. But a therapist helped me out a lot, so I do recommend that. Agian Sry for your loss and may she rest in peace

[deadweight]

u dont get over loseing anyone very speical...u just learn to live with it..the lost will allways be there..Just be lucky u never got panic attacks from the lost....When i lost my father the closest thing i had in life past away...unexpeced of course....and i was the one that found him dead...For 5 years i would wake up in the middle of sleep and felt like i couldnt breath...So yeah,i know how it feels to lose someone very close.Not only was i close to my father but he was my safty net....For the very first time in life i felt alone in this world without any back bone.Major lesson in my life....Nothing is certain....nothing stands sure.....One min your on top of the world and then next your down in the dirt...Thats life for ya...You dont need no therapist to learn this lesson or to deal with it...There answer will be take a pill to help....just a quick fix.Time will heal and then something eles will happen ......For me..now im just so num to everything....the older u get the more num u become.Specking for myself...dw

[marx]

Training helps.

PoB nailed it though, there are trained folks that can help you negotiate this stuff. Humans react to situations in human ways; someone with a background in helping folks with grief can see you through pitfalls common to everyone. No need to reinvent the wheel.

The right person can lead you to look at your thoughts and actions so you can honestly appraise what you are up to in life and get a better sense of yourself, today, situationally.

We all need perspective sometimes. It helps us to be open and fully human. Shit, life aint easy bro- but it is what it is and it is what we got to work with.

Perspective will help. Guaranteed.

[SHINE]

What a Tragic loss bro, My sympathy for your pain. We all can set here and tell you how to deal with it but none of us know the right advice IF we havn't been there. I do believe GOD can help with that Pain. The right counciling from the Right people will definitely help as well.

peace.

[ozzy69]

see someone bro---sorry for your loss

[jjacgilbert]

I am 63 years young, yes young, and engaged to the most beautiful 23 year old Thai girl. We have been together for just over 2 years. We had the perfect relationship, never fight or argue and very much in love. To keep my story short, my ex wife threatened and bewildered her to such an extend that I had to buy her an air ticket back to Thailand where she is now. She cries and I cry, we are 12000 km apart as I live in South Africa. She said to me the other day that she will come back the day when my ex wife die.
So I can relate to your feelings. Mine is worse though my girlfriend is still alive and we are very much in love but can not see each other. Death will be better, I prayed to God already to relief my pain and let me die. I battle with life, but unlike you, I don't use suppressants, I don't take alcohol or drugs at all. I gym 3 times a week and punish my body to the utmost . I have withdrawn myself from my family and children, I refuse to answer their phone calls and I don't make contact with them. When I see my girlfriend's clothing, makeup or jewelry that was left behind, I want to go crazy. I have shed so many tears, I have offered so many prayers and my heart is so empty. Yes I know and understand your pain, time will heal you but not me, because my Ninny is crying for me on the other side of the Indian Ocean. God has not heard my prayers to either take my - or my ex wife's life.

[kastro]

You never get over it but you hsve keep living for your loved ones.I lost my son last july.Fifteen years old!I wish that upon nobody.I will never get over it but i keep on for,my other children and wonderful wife.Life is short and we need to cherish every moment.My condolonces bro i know what youre going through.

[SuperG]

Thank you very much for posting on this thread. I cried while reading this.

[deadweight]

I am 63 years young, yes young, and engaged to the most beautiful 23 year old Thai girl. We have been together for just over 2 years. We had the perfect relationship, never fight or argue and very much in love. To keep my story short, my ex wife threatened and bewildered her to such an extend that I had to buy her an air ticket back to Thailand where she is now. She cries and I cry, we are 12000 km apart as I live in South Africa. She said to me the other day that she will come back the day when my ex wife die.
So I can relate to your feelings. Mine is worse though my girlfriend is still alive and we are very much in love but can not see each other. Death will be better, I prayed to God already to relief my pain and let me die. I battle with life, but unlike you, I don't use suppressants, I don't take alcohol or drugs at all. I gym 3 times a week and punish my body to the utmost . I have withdrawn myself from my family and children, I refuse to answer their phone calls and I don't make contact with them. When I see my girlfriend's clothing, makeup or jewelry that was left behind, I want to go crazy. I have shed so many tears, I have offered so many prayers and my heart is so empty. Yes I know and understand your pain, time will heal you but not me, because my Ninny is crying for me on the other side of the Indian Ocean. God has not heard my prayers to either take my - or my ex wife's life.

man **** your ex wife...i mean what the **** can she do to your girlfriend except say deadly words...I say stand up and fight for whats right....I see no reasons why your girlfriend cant fight back....If the love u have is as strong as u say it is then **** the world.....get together and live life happy and block the evil that trys to break u apart....dw